Einmal ist Keinmal

So I came online yesterday to post a small entry to let you all know that I will be posting on Tuesday. And naturally I had good reasons, I had the entries prepared on my read notebook, but hadn’t typed it yet. On Thursday I knew that it was my little cousin’s birthday and I thought to myself that I ought to take my brother there, the kid needs to socialize a little! And since my parents aren’t going I had to go with my uncle spend the whole weekend there. It was cold fun and interesting, but it made me clear my mind from the terrible week-start

I made another attempt to post last week’s entries that I failed to post, but I one of them, then found out that the other one had actually disappeared from my flash memory!



And there are two new (and long) posts:
Abortion I started this one a month ago
scientific research about fellatio: Yes I had great fun searching this up.

After Part I here’s part II:

When I went to my uncles’ place on the weekend, one of my uncles handed me a small book. Apparently they found it while cleaning up some old closet.


Two Lebanese Artists made it back in 1982 and it’s mainly about death, in a funny way of course. It’s kind of interesting, I can’t really say I understood it all, maybe because of my weakness in French or maybe because a book about death at the worst phase of the civil war may have a sense of humor that the post war generation may not relate to.


That difference is often obvious while talking to my uncles in general who had sunk very deep into the war, but that’s a different story all together. Just check out this sketch from the book that I really didn’t understand but caught my attention never the less:




Keep in mind that by saying Feu (fire) they are also referring to death.

Now before leaving Beirut, my uncle reminded me of the book, to take it home with me, my mom didn’t know what it was all about. Naturally, with her nosy style she just had to know! And since I am in no mood for nosy attitude I just answered:

- Porn!

My mom didn’t want to believe me; I mean it was obviously NOT going to be an erotic book that my uncle’s giving to me! But still, she would refuse to trust what’s obvious and just laugh about it. She demanded to see the book. Of course you know… This means war!
Jokingly she tried to get me to hand her the book… Didn’t work.

I just hid it in my red notebook and giggled…

Jokingly she tried to take the book out of my hands… Didn’t work.

She was getting pretty pissed off and I don’t exactly enjoy putting her in such situation but to be honest, I don’t like people to boss me around and I certainly don’t like my mom to monitor what I read like that, I mean what on earth makes her believe she can outsmart me or control what I read?!

Eventually, in the car, on the way home, my uncle just spoiled the fun and told her it’s just a humoristic book. I don’t know what she felt at that moment, it was dark, but I guess she felt a mix of relief (because it’s not Porn) and some embarrassment (for overreacting about it).

I have a rather large family, on my mother’s side I have more that 20 cousins, but I don’t get along with all of them that well. I have some 9 cousins my age, but I get along well with only two, one of them is actually in the same college as me, she’s a chemistry student.

Anyway, I don’t usually like going to my mother’s hometown, for many reasons. The first reason is out of habit, I lost the pleasure of visiting the town when I overcame my dark years. Then I was disturbed with everybody’s disrespect for my brother and their constant nosy questions and demands. Then I started to dislike religious environments.

In brief, I try to reduce my visit to that place.

But you know, it’s kind of interesting to go there, because people tend to socialize more in those regions that in Jounieh for example. If the town contains 40 people between 10 and 30 you’d find them (all of them!) on the streets every fucking day, even in a freezing weather such as last week. And what are they doing? Nothing. Just hanging around, everybody just goes to the street and walks around, some use cars lol. It’s something you are unlikely to find in the city where only certain social casts go down the streets to just hang around.

This weekend was exceptionally interesting. You see, I had some interesting discussions with my two favorite cousins… About sex, genitals and virginity obsession. Now on Friday talking was careful, we agreed on refusing the social pressure put on woman, we also expressed our resentment to the social discrimination where a guy is a hero for fucking and a woman’s a whore for the same reason. Micha (NOT the chemist) said at one moment:

Well, I wouldn’t encourage my daughter to have premarital sex, because it’s against religion and everything, but if she is convinced with it then I won’t stop her. If she believes it is right then she should do it!

At another moment Coco (the chemist) said:

Well, I don’t understand how can guys be so unfair as to demand women to be virgins or they won’t marry them. Even though I am a virgin I can’t love a guy that loves me because I am a virgin

This might be no surprise for some but in my society it’s something, especially those rural and reserved areas. I was so pleased to hear them say this. But I was also saddened. I have realized for the first time, how women in my society are willing to get liberated and how men are simply oblivious to the psychological value of this emancipation of women.

I fear my society might be heading in the future to a certain divorce between the two camps, as it is the case in Japan for example. We really don’t need that.

To understand this better maybe you should read the entry about the weekdays

The start of this week was terrible and the reason:

my English course

You see, I wanted to attend this course, since I have nothing else to do during the day, right? But our teacher is terrible! She’s actually MEAN, hurtful, childish and takes pleasure in making sure the students are humiliated under the pretext of preserving the teacher’s respect

What a bitch. And you should see her discussion skills, she kind of uses it as a way to brag about her superiority. She had a fight a couple of weeks ago with Nancy… and then waited for her to leave class to start bashing her in front of us, calling her immature and stuff. Then this week, she had a fight with Mary over something, threw her out of the class, then bragged about how the college administration refused to allow Mary return before apologizing to the teacher (the teacher had demanded an apology)… again, she started bashing Mary in front of us. Then she fights with Nabil and Maya and Sami and…. Me! Yes you could say I had my first argument with a teacher in my whole life! But she didn’t throw us out of the class.

Then she opens discussions that she knows nothing about, she gives scientific articles that are either too old or inaccurate, when we argue about it, she kind of ignores it or makes our questions sound pretty silly.

But that’s not what bothered me the most. What bothered me the most were the discussions that took place, we once discussed the subject of women’s rights in society and how much rights are women really having. All the girls affirmed that a woman doesn’t have enough rights and that she should be allowed more freedom. The guys were all like “well, there shouldn’t be an inversion of roles” and “Ok, that’s your choice and your demands PERSONALLY, I don’t want to marry such a woman, I like to feel like I am the man in the relationship”. Which is pretty frustrating, because this is called closing a conversation on emotional basis! What can I answer that with? He didn’t say he’s right, he just said that he doesn’t care and knows what he wants!

Then on Wednesday the worst happened. A girl suggested that we would discuss adoption of children by homosexual couples. Ok that was cool, until the arguments started going wild talking about how “wrong” it is to be homosexual, how they are in fact “sick” and should be treated. Our beloved teacher actually admitted that there are people that have this biological problem and can’t feel attracted to the opposite sex. Cool, but then she said that it’s still wrong…. Here are some of the comments and point of views expressed:

• First of all, homosexuality is wrong


• These people need medical help, there are therapies


• Some people have medical conditions, but most are just doing this because they think it’s cool


• If they can’t possibly have attraction to the other sex, then that doesn’t mean that they should go sleep with people from the same sex…. They should just have no sex at all


• I don’t believe in biological reasons, that can be solved … look at transsexuals


• I had a friend that thought she was homosexual, she told me that in fact she was searching for a mother’s love


• In my college (that’s the teacher talking), there were one lesbian that used to stalk my friend, my friend once yelled at her and the lesbian went to a teacher who actually blamed my friend

Notice the conspiracy theory!

• Society shouldn’t accept homosexuals because that means that society’s encouraging, that’s our problem, we encourage this


• In a conference I once attended the psychologist said that homosexuality is an illness

Naturally I couldn’t stay still, I tried to answer. But then they would go back to the same arguments. I did expect people to attack homosexuals but I didn’t expect EVERYBODY to do so. I didn’t expect that NO ONE would look at homosexuals as normal human beings. I didn’t get attacked myself for defending homosexuality but I felt devastated. You’d expect these college student, these self-proclaimed modern people, you’d expect them to be more tolerant.

Once upon a time, there were a meticulous, careful and very professional scientist that I enjoy calling myself. Myself made an interesting entry a couple of weeks ago about the health effects of cunnilingus… Or at least one of its effects. And over the last few weeks myself has tried to investigate the cunnilingus’ closest cousin… Fellatio (or fellation).

The first lesson I learnt was actually a spelling lesson: it is written with an “F” and not a “PH” as I have always thought (it’s kind of funny that I have never searched it).

The second lesson I learnt was… linguistic: The word fellatio derives from the latin: fellare meaning: to suck. I wonder if there’s any connection? Haha.

Anyway, to the serious part:

Unlike cunnilingus, fellatio can include two radically different factors. The strict fellare act and the contact with any potential secretions. Of course in the case of cunnilingus this division is meaningless since vaginal secretions and microflora are constantly in contact with the partner, while in the case of fellatio the partner might choose to exclude any potential fluid from the contact.

Fellare
I was sadly disappointed to notice that there can be little (if any at all) benefit for the partner. Even though I couldn’t find any clear information about it, I can say that the man’s penis is an external organ. It’s covered with an external epithelium, naturally more hostile to microflora. Of course, microbes are everywhere, but the penis has a microbal population very similar to the rest of the body (notably the skin) so the woman might as well lick her own body! A woman’s genitals are different, the vagina is more or less hidden from the rest of the body, there are many folds that isolate the internal part and block fluid (more or less). In addition, a vagina is constantly wet (in variable degrees). All these factors create a unique environment that differs from the rest of the body. That’s sadly not the case with men.

But men are resourceful and therefore have another arsenal of substances.


The Semen

Yes, I know many ladies (and gentlemen) don’t like to think about that possibility and would certainly prefer avoiding talking about its nutritional value. But let’s face it, it’s produced in the honor of the partner, shouldn’t that make anyone feel special?

Semen is a very complex and interesting substance as you will notice:

1. Some substances are really gross and not appetizing such as Urea and Uric acid. Yuck! But don’t worry it’s in a small percentage, since the body makes sure to evacuate the urethra before the actual ejaculation (I wouldn’t recommend in this case any ingestion of precum, because that’s the body’s Urethra-cleaner). The body needs to clean the Urethra to preserve the health of the man’s body.



2. Water, well that’s not a surprise. But don’t try to use it for dehydration cases. Consider it like a coke, it might contain water but it’s not good against thirst.



3. Bicarbonate buffers. This is very interesting. The buffers maintain a stable pH in its environment, which is essential for surviving. When a person suffers from some stroke or anything temporarily blocking the breathing process, the acidity of the blood (resulting from accumulation of CO2) is reduced to a more neutral level by the blood’s buffers. Buffers are also used in the digestive system and play a major role in preventing parasitic infection. Unfortunately, the stomach’s pH is not neutral (=7) it’s significantly lower therefore the stomach is acidic. If I am not mistaking the stomach’s buffer is Nitric acid. Bicarbonate is an alkalizing buffer, it keeps the pH above 7. Introducing this substance to the stomach will actually get it closer to neutrality, thus facilitating viral infections ( <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.




4. Cholesterol and other lipids have a bad reputation but in fact they are essential for the body… swallowing is not recommended for people with high cholesterol levels.



5. Fructose. When I read this I was kind of surprised. Even though I knew that simple sugars are abundant in semen (the little wiggly things need energy) but usually the body uses glucose and not fructose.
   
   Anyway, fructose is good news, and if you calculate the calorific value of semen than it is estimated as slightly less than one calorie. Which doesn’t seem much but an ejaculation is only between 2 and 5 ml, so in fact it’s VERY energetic.
   
   Swallowing is not recommended for people with diabetes.



6. Zinc, Calcium and Phosphate are extremely useful for the body, even in small proportions. Especially Calcium (why am I starting to feel I am talking about milk?) and Phosphate (I know it’s good for gardening but in fact the body needs it as well).



7. Ascorbic acid and Vitamin B12. Oh come on ladies, now you have to reason to complain. We pay money for multivitamin pills and then refuse an offer that would provide it for free!
   
   Did I mention that ascorbic acid is the scientific name for the vitamin C?



8. Citric acid. In spite of the impression one might take, semen is alkaline. It might contain acids but that’s overshadowed by the presence of spermine and spermidine, but most of all with the presence of bicarbonate buffers.



9. Proteins and enzymes Certainly, you don’t need to be clever to guess that the semen would contain proteins, but don’t try to commercialize it as a meat substitute! It’s mainly hormones, but not testosterone, so don’t you ladies worry about facial hair or something.
   The main enzymes in this case are: spermine and spermidine (Duh!). These are powerful bactericides… wow guys, all you need is some pesticide in there and you’ll be perfect for gardening.

Shlemazl, you mentioned the stimulation of immunity. I think that’s more about the copulation act, due to many factors such as the alkalinity of the semen (a vagina is acid) and the presence of bactericides (vaginas rely on microbes and bacteriae) and probably other factors. This would stimulate the genitals in a healthy way but I am not certain on the effect on the digestive system.

To sum it up, I admit that, putting my personal experience aside, I have no magic answer about this. After all sex is all about the fun, I know most people find sperm totally disgusting, but to be objective and scientific… It isn’t so bad, is it?

When I was writing this, I couldn’t help wondering about the exact constitution of the vaginal secretions… Maybe some other time!

There has been a lot of talk about abortion lately, in my environment at least. There were a priest posting videos on TV a few weeks ago, the videos showed how a fetus was being killed inside his mother’s vagina. In the second session exam, my English essay was about abortion. Of course, I have long thought about abortion, is it right or is it wrong. And of course my answer was always simple… It’s wrong. And that remains unchanged now. What has indeed changed is how I see the Anti-Abortion movement (of the church notably) and my understanding of the difficulty of keeping a child sometimes. What breaks my heart is most of all the fact that the biggest abortion defenders are in fact feminists. I have often seen during the last year pictures of demonstrations against feminists as defenders of Abortion and Feminists defending the right to abort.

Personally I do identify myself as a feminist, a very convicted feminist also. I do believe that women around me are often unaware to their rights, role and duties in society. On the other hand, I am radically against abortion. Not that I am oblivious to the reasons and motive of women that do it.

First of all, there are the rare cases of extreme medical conditions where the life of the mother is in danger; in this case, it’s just a choice of who will die.

Financial difficulties are often considered as the #1 motive… But come on! That’s really unrealistic and stupid. There are a million way to prevent gestation, from pills to condoms, following the woman’s cycle… And all these methods are much easier and cheaper than abortion.

A more rational reason for abortion is in the case of single mothers, this concept is like a blasphemy in my society, after all, women are not supposed to have sex in the first place. A woman that has any sort of pre-marital sex resulting in an illegitimate child, is going to be socially discriminated against. So when a woman finds her pregnant she HAS to get the father to marry her or she HAS to kill the child. If the man loves her and/or has some respect for himself he would marry her, regardless of the results on his future life. But in the end, he has no real obligation toward her, in the past the woman’s family would have had the right to force the father into marriage, but what kind of solution is that?!

So I suppose that the pressure is pretty huge. But eventually abortion doesn’t turn back the clock, it just kills the child. People should just assume the responsibility of their actions, and no matter how much a I support the emancipation of women I can never encourage abortion as part of it. I am aware of the difficulty of the situation when it takes place and sometimes we just fail our ideals, I don’t know what I would do if I ever find myself in that situation.

This case happened in my mother’s hometown. A woman fell in love with her sister’s brother in law. He was already married to another and had children. She became pregnant and somehow hoped he would leave his family and marry her, he never did. But she remained with him never the less and even had a second child. The father didn’t even give his children his last name (so much for love and responsibility!). A few years later, the woman decided that she couldn’t take care of the children all by herself, so she put them away in a orphanage, the elder child refused to eat, drink or socialize there fore the woman was forced to take them back. All this is very sad, but the good part is that the children grew up rather normally in spite of everything; they worked normally, got married and everything. The town didn’t reject them. Which proves that society works more on the fear factor and if we make a clear stand, society will follow. So maybe in addition of abortion and marriage a woman can choose to be a single mother, or at least give birth to the child then give him/her away to adoption.

Another, rather legal, abortion is in the case of rape. In some countries rape victims are systematically given abortion pills. Of course I do agree that rape is one of the most terrifying and devastating experience any human being can possibly go through. The victims’ lives suddenly stop, everyday becomes painful hours of painful memories, every night becomes the anticipation of a new rape, every step outside home is an exposure to danger, and every man a potential rapist. Some women start sleeping with their cloth on (and even their shoes) just so that they would be prepared to escape at any moment, not to mention that they all tend to keep the lights on during the night. It’s a hell no one should have to go through and anyone would wish to forget. Having a child won’t help at all. Not to mention the hormonal changes and fluctuations that would disturb the woman’s mental situation.

It is very difficult to make any sort of judgment in this situation, even on a personal level, I wouldn’t know if I could tolerate my rapist’s child inside me. You see, society is the side that’s supposed to protect its citizens. When a woman gets raped, it’s certainly not her fault, it is the rapist’s mistake and society’s failure. While society might punish the rapist, the best would be to try and help the woman and ease her pain. Obliging her to give birth to her rapist’s child is somehow a punishment for a mistake that she never made…

On the other hand, what about the child? How can we possibly punish the child with death when the rapist is going to jail for a several years only?

I can’t really say I know what to think in this case.

These were the only reasons that I feel could be called rational. But there are many others.

The most accepted abortion is the “medical abortion” in which the child suffers some pre-natal malformation, sometimes the child isn’t even viable. In most cases the child is perfectly viable but suffers from life-long handicap leaving him/her killable or maybe somehow not really human. This argument may seem like a justification but it’s not. A handicapped person is just as human as anyone else and his/her life is just as precious and deserves protection just as my life or yours. I can say this even from a personal experience. I came in contact with handicapped people, mentally and physically, and you know what? I found life with them just as interesting and fascinating as anyone else. In fact, I miss going to those camps. Those people had a magic of their own. And I can’t believe that some would find their handicap as a justification to kill them. But I have also seen how parents act with their children. They often reject and never accept, even after years. Few people are able to accept their children and love them. Yes they are difficult, yes they need special care and yes they will always be children in certain ways. But then again, why do we have children in the first place? Because they are easy, pretty and will quickly grow up to become doctors and lawyers? Sadly, I believe the answer is yes. 90% of parents won’t want a handicapped child because s/he goes against the cliché that they know about kids, they are embarrassed with their less than perfect child. And from what I know, parents have the same difficulty accepting non-handicapped child that are also less than perfect, you can easily sense that in college where so many people study things that they totally hate just because they are expected to do so… You know what? Why don’t we allow parents to kill a teenage son or daughter when they notice he won’t be perfect? I mean why not, if physical or mental handicap is an excuse for murder why not professional failure?

And you know what? Let’s suppose that severely handicapped people are less than human, or at least killable. Why not kill all those who suffer of some severe brain damage after an accident. Why not allow and legalize suicide and euthanasia? If I don’t believe my life’s worth living why not let me kill myself?

But wait, we still haven’t discussed the feminist argument to defend abortion.
A woman must have the right to control her own body
Very wise ladies! But guess what… that’s what pills and condoms are for. How the hell did controlling MY body give me the right to control another person’s life? Let’s suppose that the child’s a female, wouldn’t that mean that only she should have the right to control her body?

I suppose the corner stone in answering all these questions lies in the exact definition of life.

• The church considers that life exists in the child as soon as gestation starts, from the first cell.


• Islam considers that life comes to the child in the fourteenth day (correct my information if I am wrong)


• Common people don’t really think about it, many Christians allow themselves use a sterilet (I couldn’t remember the English term for it, it’s that metal thing that’s put in the uterus to cause a minor inflammation and prevent the nesting of the egg). Which is unaccepted according to the church.


• Scientists look at it differently, of course opinions may vary but scientifically speaking a fetus is still merely an agglomeration of cells (like a foot or a piece of meat), scientifically speaking everyone’s a huge agglomeration of cooperating cells. But they do set a time limit after which Abortion is murder. That limit is the viability of the child. In other term, the age after which the child is capable with medical help to survive outside the woman’s womb. This argument is, the least to say, contestable, the more science evolves the more this limit is pushed back, many even predict that, in the future, it will be possible to create a child independently of the woman’s body. Whether I am convinced or not with that possibility is irrelevant, the main point is that this scientific limit is not stable. For example, nowadays, we call the abortion of a 20 weeks fetus legal because the child can’t possibly survive on its own. Ok… What if in the future we are able to help a child live at such a young age? Does that mean that we are today legalizing tomorrow’s crimes?

To sum it all up I will allow myself to give a personal judgment about this. On this subject I do agree with the Church, we have to give absolute answers to our problems, whether we succeed in achieving these goals is anybody’s guess. But I do disagree with the church on the way it’s handling the whole situation, first of all the church doesn’t allow any way to prevent gestation, according to the church, we are only supposed to have sex when we have the intention to have children, which is irrational! And the church criminalizes abortion instead of convincing people of its wrongness. In fact society should go through radical changes to the point where any child is consider a full child there fore accepting illegitimate children and handicapped ones. I might reject Abortion I do understand the position of those who might choose it.

will be updating tomorow... don't shoot me

shit! I can't upload pictures today, I will ommit two entries, in fact, I am cancelling 3 entries!! I hate this.

By the way, the entries that were posted three weeks ago and were sucked up by blogger have been reposted, with certain modifications:
Language jumping
My old biochemistry teacher and my imaginary friend

the new posts aren't so many:
a paranoia blog
and thursday's encounter


On the personal side, I seem to be overcoming the ugly depressive phase I have been going through for the last 3 weeks, I'm crossing my fingers and hoping it won't start again once my brother's school starts again.

The best thing about learning two close languages is that you can use your knowledge on one language to express yourself in the second, this is particularly helpful while writing but can be pretty embarrassing in oral expression as you start mixing accents and sometimes Englishing French words leading to a meaningless expression for example!

Now learning two radically different languages can be challenging, as it is impossible to use the words from one language to speak the other. However, it can be very fun, because you would find the same word in both languages but that have totally different meanings.

So here’s my majesty sharing some of my priceless knowledge!

[ar]

This one’s a classic.

Aire
When we were in geometry class, we would learn about l’aire d’un carré, since we learn Math in French. The only problem’s that, in class, we only use French for the technical terms only. For example we would say:

Baddna Aire 3 cm2

Which could mean:

We need a surface of 3cm2

OR:

We need a 3cm2 Dick!

Yes my friends, air in Arabic means dick. Now in the Fus-ha it would be pronounced like Ayre with a “y” sound, but in the Lebanese dialect we’re too cool we say it Air. Our solution was to always say L’aire instead of just Aire but you know, mistakes are inevitable.

Air
Of course, when someone goes abroad s/he uses an airplane, going through the airport first, with one of the companies Such as airFrance or I don’t know what. And we, the Lebanese, are too smug and too attached to our Occidental half, we can’t use the Arabic term: Khootoon Jawwiyyah……NOOOOOOOOOO that would be an insult to our sophistication. We have to say: Air. So from time to time you would hear someone say:

Ija Bi Air France

in normal days you would just understand:

He came with Air France

But when you’re slightly (or extremely) horny you would only understand:

He came in France’s Dick

Ähre:
Now this one poses little trouble to the Lebanese population since few people speak German around here. But it’s still interesting never the less. Apparently, Ähre means ear (like corn ear)I wonder if that can actually make sense, I mean think about it, the form’s the same, the purpose’s almost the same. Maybe Wheat and men have more in common than they would like to admit.

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This entry was posted some 3 weeks ago but blogger kind of sucked it. Some of you have already seen it but I am reposting it.

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Do you ever watch American movies and see those kids that have imaginary friends? Well, I have one also; in fact I have an imaginary “boyfriend”. Which is very handy since am imaginary boyfriend’s more customizable than a real human being that you might fantasize about and more available than a real boyfriend… who’s in my case totally unavailable. But there’s one major negative effect: Imaginary boyfriends need NAMES, they wouldn’t be people if they were nameless… You don’t want me to sleep with a stranger do you?!

However, choosing a name is not a simple task at all. Names refer to people you already know. As a result, remembering the name will automatically remind you of the person. Imagine for example naming your imaginary boyfriend like your dad. Nya’!

On the other hand, you can choose a totally new name that none of the people around you have, but that’s awkward and you can’t relax with such a person.

So… After almost 2 years of experimenting my imaginary boyfriend has finally revealed his perfect profile:

His name’s Danny!

Yeah, that’s it, oh no wait two more things:

• He likes sex


• He doesn’t have a lot of muscles

That practically sums up all I find essential in a guy, well for the sake of objectivity I would have to admit that these are not even essential, except for the muscles part, men with muscles make me feel so insecure and uninterested.

Now I am not saying that I don’t think of other features, but in those I have no particular preference. His penis for example expands or shrinks according to my own mood, sometimes he’s even impotent I don’t care (it’s my fantasy so I might as well imagine whatever I want!). But of course the last possibility is kind of rare since there isn’t much that can be done without intercourse.

Eventually, what really matters, and what really preoccupies me is his name:

Danny

The funny part’s that I do know a few people named Danny, in fact my cousin’s name’s Danny, somehow when I think of the name Danny, my cousin never makes an appearance.
So here’s the twist. Do you remember my last exam? My biochemistry exam? Well, the day before the exam, I was busy with my imaginary boyfriend and suddenly a face appeared right in front of me… My biochemistry Professor! Yes, his name’s Danny too.

My biochemistry Professor isn’t exactly revolting. He’s young and according to my mom’s standards he’s handsome and attractive. But if you look closely, his strongest point’s his charisma. And that’s probably my biggest problem with him; I don’t like Charisma (this may be partly why I don’t like people like Bashir Gemayel as much as others do). However, that’s not the ONLY reason why remembering this man spoils my fun. I just hated, or feared, or felt skeptical about my Professor for many reasons… Too many reasons:

1. First of all he’s a smug


2. He’s a typical Metis between an Oriental and an Occidental Macho


3. He has dark skin with witty eyes, which makes him believe (or maybe know?) he’s sexy and girls die for him


4. he married a Ukranian which instantly raised his score with the guys, since we regard Eastern European Ladies as symbols of beauty (most men would deny it, but they also deny liking Hayfa Wehbe)


5. He likes to know about everything (In this I do like him) and likes to let everyone know that he knows about everything (can’t really fall for that)


6. He likes to brag about his tourism tours, which makes him feel more European


7. He likes to make witty jokes with sexy girls… Even though he is married


8. He likes to act as if he owns the world and can do whatever he wishes and that he’s too smart to be refused


9. he has a huge belly that he seems to find pretty sexy!


10. He treats women like treasures


11. He likes to hit on his female students… So typically Oriental


12. He likes to put his hands on his female students… Regardless of his pretext I say: NO COMMENT

Now please… Delve into my culture for a moment to better understand this character. In my society, there are numerous rules, everything’s already set and all interactions have strict rules, resulting in strict outcome. For example, you can hit on a girl anywhere anyway… No problem. If she’s receptive, you can go further… No problem. But it wouldn’t be recommended for you to actually fall in love with this lady, because the method in which you met her is not very orthodox, and after all, what kind of girl that would accept a guy hitting on her on the street for example, that reduces her score in the stock market. But effectively such situations happen with everybody and many smart educated and polite girls do it sometimes (if not all the times). A guy might fall in love with her and even wish to marry her, but in this case the couple wouldn’t reveal to others the way they met… It’s not right for the woman. The right way would be choosing a wife from your group of lifelong friends, or a colleague from work, or usually a college friend sometimes some make some consultations to choose a wife, in other terms, get a wife on demand!

Total strangers are usually for easy and quick fucks when you are pretty horny, or usually when the woman’s very horny.

As a result, society produces in college – the first environment that partially escapes parental supervision, most of the time the only one - on one hand, Horny, young, sexy and sexually frustrated female students. And on the other hand, horny young (or not), sexy (or not) but certainly sexually frustrated Professors.

Let the show begin… We have nuptial parades we have weird – supposedly hidden – flirting. Professors hit on girls; girls giggle but pretend not to care. Professor get tremendous pleasure from buying this false sense of sexual attraction that they buy with generous grades. Girls also seem to get tremendous pleasure from experimenting their female authority and enjoying their sexuality, not to mention the good grades. What intrigues me is that it’s all-fake, there’s no physical contact, no satisfied pleasures… Nothing, just childish flirting! And to think that they could all do this outside university and even more, damn it! I think they actually do it outside so why get so turned on by this unnatural and unhealthy sort of liaisons?

Of course, for the sake of objectivity I would have to clear that I am not generalizing, of course 90% of professors don’t act like that. After all, 70% of the biology department’s professors are Women! And the some men are not sexually frustrated.

That’s what drives me crazy about Professor Danny. He’s young, he’s newly married, and he doesn’t seem to be sexually frustrated… Why does he act like one?

Last year, before becoming our biochemistry professor, Danny was our Mineralogy professor, for the practical Laboratory work. He used to get so glued on girls, and frankly? Girls loved it. I did not!

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not the kind that would bash others for sexual experimentation, I have done worse than this. In fact if this guy weren’t our Professor I would have perfectly understood why girls would drool on him. But he’s our professor+he’s married+he’s a smug+he’s excessively available to all individuals with female genitals… How can a girl have a crush on him? Doesn’t she want to feel special; doesn’t she want a good and enriching relationship instead of a simple student with boobs? To be totally honest, I don’t like people who abuse their position to touch my hips and I certainly don’t like men who would help a girl improve her grades from good to excellent with the power of her eyes and looks. And even though I always joked with him and enjoyed his witty sense of humor, I never really got along with him, I always got the worst grades and he always expressed his disappointment with my performance. But I didn’t mind that, I just didn’t want him to get into any flirty mood when it came to me! At numerous occasions I avoided getting too close to him or seeing through his microscope (to avoid being escorted with his hands on my way).

But then one day he came to my microscope to help me out and when I was looking through the lenses he had his hand on my hip. Ok, don’t panic Rebecca, he’ll take it off. He did not, so I discretely elbowed his hand… He got the message; he’s a smart man.

But, even though I knew I did the right thing, after all I didn’t like him and I never gave him any hint that I might be interested, I never allowed him to touch me in any way; but still in spite of all that I felt somehow guilty, or maybe scared, or maybe both. I just felt wrong. At that time I was suffering from an uncomfortable experience with another wounded ego and feared to have any misadventure with this one, this one’s far more powerful!

In the end, Dr. Danny did nothing. He didn’t seem to have noticed, I don’t see why would he even care about me, I am not the sexiest woman on earth (far from that) but from that time on, he treated me like one of the boys (not that minded, I used to hang out with those boys anyway. In the end I had the second worst grade in the whole class on my final exam, but it was not because of any discrimination, I am always the one that never scores well.

My fears faded and I never remembered Pr. Danny in any particularly negative way. But still, remembering this professor kind of spoiled the perfection of the name for me.

Eight ago my mom was pregnant, she was to give birth to a weird little thing that I call my little brother. That little thing quickly became the most important creature for me, not because he shadowed everyone else but because he had the biggest effect on my life on the personal level… A mix of parental affection and gratitude that I feel for him.

Parental affection because I am after all his big sister, the one he comes to sleep with when he sees bad dreams at night. I am exactly 14 years 7 months older than him, after his mother, my face is the one he has seen the most in his life (I wonder what can such an innocent creature have done to deserve such a punishment!)

Gratitude. Gratitude because he has taught me so much about myself. He taught me that I can be useful and deserve the love that I receive, at that time I believed no one loved me except for the people that felt sorry for me, because I was such an ugly weird and meaningless creature that only existed to hurt others. He also taught me that I am not great either, it’s a funny thing but I felt most of all guilty because I believed I was created for so much greatness and failed so miserably to achieve that. And my little brother was the ultimate proof that I could have a positive effect on anyone. With time, he also became the ultimate proof to my incapacity to raise a healthy child and overcome my anger problem… But he still loves me never the less. I am also grateful to him because he taught me how easy it is to live unconditionally, to sacrifice for those we love and how we can sometimes stand and defy others just to protect a child that we love.

When my brother was a 3 months old fetus I tried to kill myself for the first time and if there’s a lot that I have forgotten, I didn’t forget a have written for the mass of cells that would later turn into the great creature that I am proud to call MY LITTLE BROTHER. I told him how much I loved him and everything, I even wished that no one would ever tell him about me, but above all I wished for him never to go through the pain I was enduring. Somehow, by dying, I hoped I would prevent him from becoming like me. This thought among other ones, comforted me and gave me a fake sense of heroism in which my death would be the right thing to do, the best for all.

Last week I came to a conclusion: He’s heading to where I was 8 years ago and I can’t do anything to stop him. I can almost see myself again living it all again and no matter much I would try to pull him out, I can’t protect him from it.

The kid’s now 7 years old… Do you have any idea what that means? That means he’s 6 years away from that time. And he seems to be going right there. And what am I doing to protect him? Nothing at all! I can’t do anything because I don’t know what I can do, I never reached the source of my problem(s), I survived because I failed to die.

On my way home, I got into the bus with my cousin and a friend of ours (they are both chemistry students). At one point a guy got into the bus also… He was a shock!

He looked so merosexual, if not to say totally homosexual! He wore tight jeans, in fact his jeans were so tight that I can’t understand how was he able to wear them without feeling the pressure in certain areas. He also wore high boots that cover the lower part of the pants, which is a strictly feminine fashion in Lebanon. I don’t think he removes his eyebrows, in fact I doubt that he would need to. But judging from the look of his arms I believe he shaves his armpits now and then… The conclusion that we, my friends and I, made was very clear.

Now I admit that I feel somehow guilty for not sticking with him when we were commenting among ourselves about him (yes gossiping and stuff) and one of my friends made a rather harsh comment. I simply expressed my amusement about his looks and mentioned that his bracelet was awesome. Maybe I should have been more clear and expressed my support, or at least total tolerance, to the homosexual community. I mean I have done it before, at one occasion last year I answered Jean (who was also expressing homophobic opinions):

“Well, I have no problem with gay people, and in fact I find them very cute” (My exact words were Ktir Mahdoumin)

Why didn’t I? Maybe I feared a confrontation with Rana, who is someone that would brutally respond, or maybe I didn’t want to confront her after a friction about politics, or maybe I was just not in the mood. But I feel I should have been more clear.

I don't know why but blogger ate two of myblogs?! I can't even find them by searching! I'll post them next week, because I don't have them on my USB drive.

Anyway, this week wasn't so fine, I did something pretty terrible to myself, and to some people around me. Frankly, I don't feel ashamed of it but I feel sorry to have felt so terrible again. Well, aside from that it passed. This week's entries are not much about the local politics, I talked about the Armenians in Lebanon, this week's scientific tip:D, reflections about "why I care to read about Islam?", one post about Lebanese politics, more precisely about the mood shift I have noticed in graffiti politics, an interesting woman I saw last time in school and finally two cute little posts about a pretty pretty baby picture and another one about my new earrings


Have fun! Yes I know I've been actively blogging this week

Meet my new and probably favorite… Wait a minute, it’s my only pair of earrings… Wait again, there’s no ring… ok you get the idea.

The message(s) is (are) simple:

1. My heart has fallen between my legs (Lebanese expression for I’m terrified)


2. I love what’s between your legs
   
3. Honey, I love you but you smell like ugly feet


4. Stop teasing me with your toes


5. or as we say it à la libanaise: Ijré b7obbak… My foot in your love! Haha, ok you have to be Lebanese to understand it

Ok that’s all I could think of. Personally I prefer the last one. Regardless of which thought these earrings inspire you, I find them awesome!

Three things fascinate me when it comes to pictures:

• Eyes
  
  
• Babies
  
  
• Weird looks

This picture has been keeping me busy and amused for the last couple of months, I totally love it. Every time I look at it I start smiling. It was great help during my exams, I just put it in front of me and stare at it, that way time passes by more easily and my mom always thinks I am studying.

But you can’t help yourself from asking:

How does this kid look like right now?

This picture is at least a few months old (the magazine appeared in September). Kids grow very fast.

At home I am famous for my notorious monogamous love for Arte. My mom for example always tries to put Arte when ever I’m around, but the problem’s that she can’t remember where to find it, not to mention that she always calls it ART (like Arabic Radio and TV). On Saturday my Mom’s attempt to reach Arte led us to France2. So we watched the French news, it’s more interesting and diverse than our local news.

What caught my attention the most was the news about a monument being stolen in France. The monument in question represents the Armenian alphabet. The Armenians naturally accuse the Turks of this act. Which isn’t unlikely especially that 2 days ago a law that incriminates the denial of the Armenian genocide was signed in France. The Turkish government certainly refuses this new law and I suppose the French-Turks are probably not pleased. So far officials are excluding anti-Armenian motives but it’s not impossible.

This incident comes at a time when the Armenian presence in Lebanon is also protesting. Armenians are refusing that Turkey would participate in the Neo-UNIFIL force, unless they admit and apologize for the genocide. According to Armenian activists “a country that perpetuated genocides and refused to admit them cannot help preserve peace in another country”… In other terms, aggressors can’t protect.

Considering the circumstances, their calls haven’t really been answered or even taken seriously. Most people around here consider the Armenian demands as natural but don’t consider the Lebanese people to be concerned with an “Armenian problem”. There are reasons for this indifference; of course Armenians integrate very naturally the Lebanese society, none can deny or even question the Lebanese identity of Armenians in Lebanon. The Armenians are the best example for a people that went through an ordeal asked refuge in a totally different country and then integrated the new society. And all through this preserving their identity and culture (they still speak and learn Armenian). BUT:

• Armenians are merchants and businessmen, they are famous, among other things, for there dominance in the textile sector. Rumor has it that they buy their material is imported from Turkey!


• Politically speaking, and of course the question of Turkish participation in the UNIFIL is a political one, Armenians never EVER integrated the Lebanese politics. They have their political parties (Ramgavar, Hunchakian and the Dashnak) that take no stand in the Political debates; they support whatever government in place, even though the Armenian public is pretty close to the Christian groups they make no political stand. That avoided them any losses during the Civil War (the ‘ouwet attacked many of their headquarters here and there when they refused to back them, but nothing that serious). On the other hand this political lack of interest caused a sense of political apathy toward the Armenians in Lebanon. No one would engage in their struggle


• Armenians are rather reclusive and closed. They are famous for being good businessmen, smart and nice. Their intelligence and solidarity earned them both the respect and the jealousy of others. The situation can be compared to the Jewish situation to a certain extent, but they are not accused of any illegal actions or any Divinity Genocide! So people don’t like them for that


• In spite of any feelings toward the Armenians and their cause in Lebanon, the Turkish participation is a NEED, the Lebanese need Turkey’s participation as the only Muslim country that is willing to participate without being terribly radical! And this I believe is the most important reason why the Lebanese people’s not willing to answer the Armenian demands.

If we see the Armenian cause as a whole, they deserve great sympathy. In my life I have met many Armenians and frankly they are a Lebanese group to be proud of! Regardless of the political situation that helped them, I doubt that any country managed to “reappear” on the world map as the Armenians did… Except for Israel maybe, but that’s a totally different situation, today’s Israel is definitely not the Israel that was destroyed 2 millenniums ago. The Palestinian presence and its effect on the Lebanese situation is the biggest proof of how special the Armenian presence was for us. The Armenians also introduced into the Lebanese community their own culture, in Lebanon not only you can learn: Arabic, Lebanese, French, English, German, Spanish, Italian, Syriac/Aramaic, Hebrew, Russian, Greek… You can also learn Armenian. When the Armenians first came to Lebanon they were given a very small piece of land in which they still live here, no one really helped them, but still they flourished. The Armenians I have personally met were smart people. An old man that I once knew had actually survived the genocide he used to fill his time reading! He read in Arabic, French, English and Armenian of course, he had virtually read all the books from the Library of the American University in Beirut (his son worked there). He used to talk to my mom about his journey from Armenia to Lebanon, the family members he lost, he dreamt to go back and visit Armenia at least once before his death. He never did, he died a few years ago. Another Armenian I met while working last year had studied in Armenia, he worked two jobs to provide the best education for his only son (he put him in an Armenian school of course).

Thanks to Arte

The internal cavities’ sterility (toward pathological parasites) is not an easy objective. Most pathological parasites are eliminated by the simple effect of hostile conditions (alkaline or acid environment, for example). But it’s not just that. Many microbes actually enjoy such “hostile” conditions. Those are eliminated by the effort of other microbes via the competition game… So far nothing new, right? Here are some problems though:

• On one hand, we know that parasites are far more successful than symbiotic or commensally organisms. In other terms, put two species of microbes (an aggressive one and a peaceful one) in the same environment. In no time, the parasite will take over.


• On the other hand, the equilibrium inside our digestive system is different from the one found in our environment (air, water, earth, food…). So apparently, we didn’t just ingest the microbes we modified their proportions.

Now of course, one could say that the human body is capable of producing enzymes and proteins to customize the composition of our micro-friends. I have no clear and conclusive information about that. Nothing prohibits such a mechanism but the plasticity of microbes limits its effectiveness.

A better-known reason is the precocious ingestion of useful germs and microbes. The early arrival of these germs to the “virgin stomach” gives it a huge advantage that will preserve its predominance. In other words, the nice germs are pumped into our body. They see the vast land with a lot of decaying shit to feed on, they think to themselves

Praise the Lord! He has given us this Promised Land. Let’s reproduce and fill it.

Then when the evil Polytheist parasites come, the Chosen germs produce toxins and purify the Land, so that God would remain happy.

This theory is proven in many animals. We know for example that baby elephants and baby hamsters find their Mom’s shit. These animals urgently need these germs for their crucial role in digestion.

Other animals regurgitate food for their kids (penguins, wild dogs, wolves…). The little ones ingest the germs with the meals. Mammals feed their babies with milk, which contains useful germs also.

Ok… That’s good… But that’s not all! What’s the very first environment that the child comes in contact with after the Uterus? The doctor’s hands? No, the Mom’s vagina.

Yes, boys and girls. The composition of the healthy and normal stomach is populate by a significant proportions of germs that usually populate the female vagina. Children who are born prematurely and by cesarean operation never compensate the absence of contact with their mom’s vagina.

So girls, next time your boyfriend/girlfriend are executing some cunning cunnilingus, don’t think of it as a great favor you are receiving… Think of it more as a favor you are giving… Oh and guys, stop complaining, you should be grateful!

I feel tempted to brag about this but that’s not like me, I just let you know that I “could have” bragged but I “chose not to”. I am so cool huh!

I while back I was talking with someone * winks at Mr. Someone* about the post-war LFPM situation. The question we were discussing was: “where would the former Tayyar members go, if they are disappointed with the Tayyar (LFPM)”

The question is not simple at all. Yesterday’s Tayyar members can’t become today’s ‘ouwet, they’d prefer defend Aoun to death, whether he is right or wrong. It’s the result of the duality that exists in most countries. In the USA you have the conservatives and the Liberals (if I am not mistaking the names lol), in France you have the Right wing and the Left wing. Sometimes it’s two opposite parties but most of the times it’s the aggregation of numerous parties in two main groups. In Lebanon it’s religious group has it’s own duality, the Maronite scene has the ‘ouwet and the Tayyar. But the situation in Lebanon is a little different, we might be democratic in theory but in fact we are a mix of the feudal and the democratic systems. Lebanese political parties are just the “legal version” of the political families. Parties are the group of people who follow the political figure or family. It’s like using Occidental terms to express concepts that are typically Lebanese or maybe Oriental.

This archaic system is a great obstacle facing the democratization of my country, since it means that the parties that we have rarely renovate themselves. The politician is not the representative of an ideology; he is the ideology and the center of the philosophy. People blindly follow their leader.

Let’s apply this to the Aoun dilemma… not that he is worse than others, 99% of all politicians are like him but since we are talking about the Tayyar now, we are going to talk about him.

Michel Aoun gathered a lot of followers. Took them to an impossible war against Syria, then to a shameful war against the main Christian faction back then… Ok, that was a mistake for which he dearly paid with 15 years in exile to France.

In his absence the Tayyar re-organized itself and renovated its figure. They drew a whole new, modern and opened face. But then when Aoun came back he changed everything. Because Aoun IS the Tayyar, regardless of what that group wishes for itself, they are eventually what Aoun wants them to be. He did not preserve the new face of the Tayyar. But above all he failed to preserve his own values: Fighting the Syrians and centralize the power in Lebanon.

So what would the Tayyar members do?

In a normal, democratic system Michel Aoun would have been deposed from the Tayyar and replaced with someone that answers better the aspirations of the Tayyar. Unfortunately that’s impossible.

What happens à la Libanaise, is that the members can either keep on supporting Aoun regardless of the mistakes, that’s the choice that most choose.

OR

They have to find a small nuance of the same group. For example, Aoun only appeared in the 80s, right? Hat’s almost 2 decades ago, those who are actually older than that weren’t always Tayyar members, and in the past they had other loyalties. And when Aoun will cease to represent them they will remember those loyalties.

The proof to my words? Jounieh! Jounieh’s an excellent indicator that I can talk well about. Jounieh’s traditionally no one’s land. It’s diverse and many outsiders live here (people from other regions).

During the 2005 elections Jounieh voted for Aoun. The Tayyar was very representative everywhere. The ‘ouwet sympathizers either voted for Aoun also (there were many of those) or kept a low profile since the ‘ouwet were weak.

After memorandum between Aoun and Hizballah, the Tayyar members calmed down, while the ‘ouwet members starting drawing their symbols everywhere. But these ‘ouwet members are mainly outsiders.

During and after the war, the ‘ouwet and the Kate’eb became even more active. The war was also very devastating economically in Jounieh, because this city relies on beaches, restaurants and such activities.

Since the Mass in Hariça, a new sign appeared, not the ‘ouwet and not the Tayyar… the “Golden Cedar”. The Golden Cedar is the symbol of the Ahrar, a small political party that orbits the Chamoun family. This party was the closest thing to being laic in Lebanon, before the Civil War, they had significant weight; it was the Christian party to attract the most Muslim audience. Its founder, Kamil Chamoun, was one of the Lebanon’s most successful Presidents; he actually managed to stand in the face of Abd El-Nasser and the Syrians when even the UN didn’t want to help.

The Ahrar were violently absorbed by the ‘ouwet under Bashir’s rule. The Party quickly deteriorated especially since it refused to join the other side and couldn’t reorganize itself.

When Michel Aoun appeared he was the perfect alternative for the former Ahrar, they quickly joined him and became his best allies. Even though their leader, Dory Chamoun, stands firmly with the 14th of March movement and criticizes Aoun publicly, the vast majority of the Ahrar are also Tayyar members, they vote for Aoun against their own candidates.

The reappearance of their symbol is a sign that the Tayyar members are questioning their loyalty to Aoun. Personally nothing would please me more than seing the Ahrar come back and become strong again, Dory Chamoun is someone I admire dearly and the Ahrar were a great party as far as I know. Aoun’s just a political child in comparison with Dory.

On the first day of school (my brother’s school of course) I was taking him to class myself. I used to be my mom who was in charge of everything but this year she’s working.

I used to go to his school sometimes. I didn’t really miss the women chat, I mean how many times can you enjoy hearing a woman tell her friends that the home works are so hard but that her son’s brilliant never the less. Eventually you stop listening and all you think of is how floppy her breasts are and how ugly her high heels are with her casual cloth… hello! Ever heard of something called “fashion”. Sometimes you start looking around to see who’s looking at you, you conclude that everybody’s looking at everyone, men are the best lookers, they don’t waste their time talking, but usually their attention gets centered to certain organs.

Despite all the effort they put in getting clothed and their reputation for being extremely fashionable Lebanese women are simply not charming. Their style is so sophisticated that they lose track of the real beauty… The body, a Lebanese woman simply looks like a Christmas tree!

But from time to time you find a few that stand out of the crowd. One of them was a woman I saw on Monday. It was a pregnant woman with her child. I didn’t notice the child much; I was concentrated on the woman. She was wearing a white top, it wasn’t a see through shirt, but you could notice the shape of her nipples (if you look well enough). I don’t know why I found her so charming. She was very “normally” clothed but I guess it was that simplicity that made her so interesting. Not to mention that she was pregnant. Her belly wasn’t obvious at all but you could guess it from the form of her breasts. Pregnant women have very characteristic breasts. It’s difficult to explain but I suppose that if you have seen it you probably know what I’m talking about.

This reminded me of the time when I asked if men find pregnant women, or women who have gave birth to a child, sexy. A married man answered yes, most didn’t really answer. Personally I think such women are very very beautiful and sexy.

It happens to me very often to find myself trying to read the Coran or any basic or fundamental books about the Muslim culture. Naturally, I would end up thinking about my purposes from this. Why do I care?

In my family, we give a significant importance to “knowing others”, or maybe the more appropriate term would be “knowing the enemy”. I remember when my Dad bought the Coran, people thought it was weird. Some even thought it was dangerous. At that time we were living in the country side in a religious Christian area, where I never knew the difference between Sunna and Shiia and where the Aounists were just those who hated the ‘ouwet for some irrational reason… it was one of those places where there were only us and the others.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard conversations such as this:

- Shooo?! Why would you buy THAT for?
- Why “not”?
- Well, you have the bible what would the Coran do you? What if you’re children read it, you know Christianity but children are children, they might get lost.
- We are very confident with our children’s ability to differentiate the good and the bad; we know what we have taught them. Everybody should know what Muslims believe in, what they think of us and what they say about us.

At that time, I thought my dad was awesome, perfect. In fact my dad is awesome at least he bothered to read their writing before pointing his weapon in their face, right? But I suppose no body’s perfect… I mean, I am certain there’s more about Muslims than the enemy.

So the question remains unanswered:

Why am I reading it?
I admit that I am curious about everything that’s different and at the same time profoundly important to others. All the faces of spirituality are so fascinating. We grow up believing that OUR religion is the answer to all unanswerable questions. We also grow up believing everybody else is wrong. Being born in this rusty Middle East I had many others to call wrong, so I grew up believing I am right in a world where so many people are wrong, which made me feel safe and special.

But one day I just peeked into the others’ lives and they were not so bad after all, my family always taught me that people are good regardless of their religion, but they never told me that others can have religions just as fascinating as mine and that when they pray they are just as pretty as my folks are in church. Their spirituality wasn’t so weird after all. They also struggle to be good and they suffer for failing that objective. They also suffer for doing what’s wrong, their religion wasn’t just the religion that puts women in veil and allows men to beat their wives. No. They had more than that, in fact women are always asked to be more discrete and men always beat their wives, religion’s simply the easiest excuse.

Suddenly I wanted to know the others so much, but how? How can you get objective information about such a subjective issue?

My society can’t possibly help, since my society needs first of all to preserve its superiority over any other. And the others’ society can’t either, because their society will need to establish a superiority of its own.

But I am not seeking a new religion to adopt, so I don’t want to adopt any supremacy. I want to see another culture to see the magic that I have found in my religion but in others’ religions. I wanted to see the world from the enemy’s eyes for a moment. The only thing I have to achieve that is what the others write for themselves… Their holy books.


Ok then, why Islam? Why do I have this particular interest in Islam?

Frankly? I don’t see why should I seek an answer to such a question. After all I am the “Why not?” person. Why not Islam? I have a Coran so learning about it is easier, right?

Ok people, sorry for the lack of organisation, I am posting on the hurry my brother's waiting for me all alone in the house (mom's at work) just wanted to let you all know:

I succeeded in 5 out of 7 exams....
in other terms I made it made it made it!!!
I'm a 4th year bio student


But I am facing the up and down mood problem these last few days But I'll be fine

From my legacy of 11 years in hard labor aka menstruation, I have collected a vaste collection of things to avoid while menstruating:

1. Stress
   
2. bumpy rides
   
3. rough cloth
   
4. standing for too long
   
5. cold food or drink
   
6. hot food and drink
   
7. caffeine
   
8. sitting for too long
   
9. sour food and drink
   
10. heavy weights on my belly
    
11. laughing too hard
    
12. thinking about sex
    

In other terms, on the first day everything's painful. But when was I ever famous for making the best decisions. On Friday I thought to myself, Why not go to my uncles' place with my little brother just to change his state of mind before school?

1. the stress of planning the whole thing was annoying
   
2. my brother likes to sit on the back seat of the bus
   
3. most of my cloth are rough jeans
   
4. waiting for a cab can take long
   
5. after a long ride, what's better than a cold drink?
   
&
7. my bog brother wanted to make himself some Nescafe… why not?
   
8. I'm not comfortable lying down when I'm not at home and alone
   
9. I'm hungry what's for lunch? 3adas b7amod… Hint: 7amod means lemon in Arabic
   
10. the little one is having difficulties sleeping… Somehow nothing helps him sleep better than his sister's stomach as a pillow
    
11. well at least I managed to avoid this
    
12. you don't really believe I would avoid this? I wouldn't even want to try.

I had a dream on Thursday. Of course I don't remember the details but here are the main ideas:

I am talking to someone (I am a queen or something) while removing my teeth and collecting them in a bowl. This "someone" tells me that I will passed my exams (prophecy?) and my answer is:

Really?! Good for her

Apparently I am not myself! I am still removing my teeth and cleaning them with something when this "someone" tells me something else, Kareem and cup of Malice are the same person…. What's that another prophecy?

I always loved dreams, I wonder what this can tell me about my state of mind. Other than the fact that I am obsessed with my exams and Kareem (too bad he's been busy with something)

I heard once that dreaming of losing my teeth could mean that I am worried about my looks or the way people see me, but what's interesting is that in the last couple of months I dreamed of losing my teeth 3 times, I never did before.

It's been a week already… one week is gone, a life time to go. This week was weird, it escapes the normal classifications. I went through my last week of exams which is good, but in fact the closure of my week wasn't so great. Most of the entries I have written this week are small mainly because I'm working on the template change, it's almost done I was hoping to finish it by now because I can't waste my time in net cafés… Oh did I mention that I have spent the whole weekend with my uncles and my brother? I was planning to stay till I finish the new look but my mom needs me to baby-sit my brother… she's going to the school again! So tomorrow I'll go to college (to register my name on the TP list and see if the results are declared, which is unlikely some classes haven't finished their exam), then it's straight to Jounieh, I don't really want to go home to where everything is NOT going well.

Most of this week's entries were written on Friday, on Saturday and Sunday i was mainly working on the changes, in fact they were all written on Friday except for the answer to the tag ( by the way I didn't get the chance to review it so forgive me).

There's also an entry about my Grandfather's invitation to last week's mass and another about the Lab Coat Guy, and a cute scientific thing I read in pour la science
Also in the news:

I got myself pants and a couple of shirts… I like it, and the best thing about it is that I didn't pay for them! Haha it's cool to have a big family.

1- Do you like the look and the contents of your blog?

Sure, I always liked neutral looks and black’s the best colour, not to mention that there someone I deeply admired whose favorite colour was black, my favorite colour is yellow and my brothers’ favorite colours are Dark Purple and Red… Not very suitable. And black is very practical. As for the other aspects, well I would like to chage a few things but looks never bothered me.


2- Does your family know about your blog?

My brother certainly knows but he doesn’t regularly check it because he sees it as a private thing in which I express myself.

3- Can you tell your friends about your blog? Do you consider it a private thing?

I don’t tell anyone about anything anyway, I am not the kind of people who are so attached to honesty I don’t think people always like to hear anything and there fore I won’t tell them what they don’t wish to hear, I want them to like me.

4- Do you just read the blogs of those who comment on your blog? or you try to discover new blogs?

Well, there’s not way I could check out blogs randomly anymore I used to search a lot for blogs and checking links on other people’s blogs but not anymore.

5- Did your blog positively affect your mind? Give an example.

Well, believe it or not I tend to see the things that happen in my life positively, but only a while after they take place. I suppose this blog affected me positively, you won’t find me telling anyone I know that I don’t “believe” in the church and don’t look very highly to Bashir Gemayel… You’d definitely not hear me say in my real life, saying that I have doughts about God or talk about virginity. But after months of blogging I have become a little more daring and I feel far more confident about my argumentation ability and my knowledge in many subjects. Not to mention that I get to talk about my sex life… I wonder if I should say sex Life or Pseudo sex Life.

6- What does the number of visitors to your blog mean? Do you use a traffic counter?

Oh I worship attention, you’d despies me if you know how obssessive I am when it comes to know about how many people check my blog and what they think. I like to know that a lot of people like my blog a lot.

7- Did you imagine how other bloggers look like?

YES. I am also extremely obssessive about how the people whose blogs I read are like in real life, I have a mental profile of each person, well, physically I don’t always have a clear idea and usually I don’t have preferences, just curiousity, but I also enjoy thinking of how they act, what would make them feel a little embarrassed and how would they react. Stuff like that. Oh! And of course I would wonder if they would like me more or less if I ever get to meet them.

8- Do you think blogging have any real benefit?

What’s “real” benefit anyway. As far as I’m concerned if it makes me feel better then it has a real benefit. But in general blogging can be very different there fore it can be very useful, for example we in the Middle East have far less Freedom of Speech than the rest of the world and blogging can provide this view that we can’t express publicly. That’s just one example.

9- Do you think that the blogsphere is a stand alone community separated from the real world?

Separate? Well, frankly? You can’t eat the cyber food for example, so no it’s not independant.

10- Do some political blogs scare you? Do you avoid them?

No.

11- Do you think that criticizing your blog is useful?

Sure it can be useful. But for personal reasons, especially my lack of self confidence, I tend to tolerate criticism far less than others. Once I get to trust and like people then their criticism bothers me no more, Shelamzl for example often criticises some of my ideas, but that never bothers me.

12- Have you ever thought about what happen to your blog in case you died.

No, well, ok I’m lying! I thought about it often, I know I’m weird and I won’t tell you anymore about this but hopefully if that ever happens then manybe my brother would leave a note later on my blog (he knows the password even though I never gave ti to him)

13- Which blogger had the greatest impression on you?

That’s an “evil” question! But frankly you can’t say greatest impression, many have left an impression here’s a list:
- Sandmonkey: To be honest, when I first started my blog I only updated it a few times, then the dark cloud above my head went away and I didn’t feel I would talk about anything, especially that I was still chatting often and simply didn’t see the potential of blogging. Then one day a friend of mine showed me a link to the Monkey’s blog and I liked his opinions, I was hooked and his way of expression made me think of expressing my ideas also, especially that I felt that neither my online or real life friends would be interested to hear the ideas I express in here. I suppose that qualifies for “great impression”
- Jos: Well, let’s be honest, Jos is a Lebanese girl, she lives in beirut and she likes psychology… I wouldn’t be myself if I didn’t follow her blog even if I rarely follow Lebanese blogs
- Mysoupis: Well, let’s be honest once again, she’s a french woman she’s an artist, her blog seems so much like a dream and she’s among the first people to have started following my blog.
- Kareem: Kareem knows how much I like him, he’s so special that I fear sounding as if I’m in love with him if I start talking about him
- Jokerman: he’s the kind of people that likes to interact a lot to people but doesn’t like to post a lot, but he’s so “xenophilic”, I like him.
- Shelamzl: Oh! To be honest he’s so “Israeli” in everything he does I admit he’s practically the only Israeli I have contact with, I disagree with him about 60% of his ideas (the guy likes George Bush… Eww!) but I just wish I would get along with all the ones I disagree with as much as I get along with him.
- Yasmina: Honestly I lost her link when I lost my internet connection because at first I didn’t have the chanc to check all the blogs every week, I used to have to check a half one week and the other half the next week. And when I checked Sandmonkey’s link it didn’t lead me anywhere, I wonder if she deleted her account that wouldn’t be compatible with the mental picture I have of her. But anyway, what I like about her is mainly the interesting mix in her character, between what she was expected to become and the picture she has of herself and within her picture of her self I like the contrast between the profoundly “oriental traits” and the profoundly “western traits”. In many ways she’s both what I was before February/March 2005 and what I wish to become in future.
- Leilouta: Well, leilouta is really special she doesn’t need to hear it from me, her blog’s not only addictive it is also a very genuine expression of many things I relate to in my mind, especially when it comes to her relationship with the people that she lives or has lived with.
- Chris: Hehe… I subconsciously love this man, you could say he speaks to the male half of my personalliy (I know this is going to get me in trouble but it’s really difficult to explain, just trust my word for it I mean it in a good sense)
- feel I am forgetting someone


14- Which blogger you think is the most similar to you.

Leilouta and Kareem… I think, well honestly, I do tend to see a part of me in each person I like (or sometimes dislike) and all of the people that I have mentioned in the previous questions seem to me very close to me (even Sandmonkey and Shlemazl) but the two I mentioned are close to me in very special points, I won’t detail it because I’d sound very silly and weird.

15 - Name a song you want to listen to?

Oh, I don’t know, maybe “when I’m old and wise” or maybe “mon ami la rose” but in general anything for Magida Roomy, Metallica, Red hot chily peppers, Ramstein, Francis Cabrel, Daniel Guichard, Lara fabien, Alanis morissette… And certainly the Master of all: Jacques Brel (it’s not fair that he’s dead)… I suppose I am disqualified since the question was “name A song…”

Now I am not tagging anyone else, I don’t want to :P

Before going to bed Thursday I was feeling a little guilty, I knew I wasn't well prepared for Friday's exam. My chances are looking good when it comes to passing this year and this week wasn't so bad:

Tuesday: Biometry
I mentioned before that I wasn't hoping much from the biometry exam. You see it's a "documents permis" kind of exams, you get to take your book with you. So if I failed last time it was because I didn't know "how" to use the course, I still haven't understood a thing from it (you see I didn't attend the biometry hours, they were boring!). I didn't do well, but I didn't regret it.

Wednesday: English
Well, English is not really a problem for me. I might have lots of gaps and weaknesses but I can do very well on the exam. And the level demanded isn't very high, it's just enough so that one would be able to comprehend a text in English. In theory all high school graduates should be able to pass it. The only reason I failed was a STUPID mistake I made the day of the exam the first time, I'm certain it went fine this time.

Friday: Final exam… Biochemistry
Well biochemistry is my cup of tea, I like it, it's all about logic and mechanisms which fits me well. But during the year I did not study anything (didn't even bother going to college in the first place) and then didn't even open it before the exam… Where would I know the answers from? This time I was prepared… not very well, but good enough. You see, this is metabolic biochemistry, it's all about biological cycles, it's only natural to have at least ONE cycle to describe in your exam! And the cycles centers attention on certain chapters, cycles suit me well so I had them prepared. Unfortunately our professor had other thoughts on his mind, we only had small memorizing questions, and must I add that this is NOT my cup of tea. I don't know it's not certain I might fail or pass

But you know what I need to succeed in 4 exams, I'll pass English, Pedologie, Zoologie and Genetics, so it's ok.

Before the start of the Blessed war which lead to the Divine Victory of the Forces of His Majesty Nasrallah against the evil sounds in the back of his heads, I had borrowed books from the CCF. I was supposed to return them on July the 23rd but war prevented that.

When the war was over I kind of neglected it especially that the CCF has a summer break from mid august till mid September, mid September coincides with the start of my exams, before last Friday I was studying like a mule so I didn't have an hour to spare and go to the CCF.

Last Friday, I wasted my time with mary and Alice and the rest of the gang thus arriving late, the mediatheque was closed.

No problem, Monday… No I am not sure if the CCF opens on Monday

No problem, Tuesday… No on Tuesday my exams end at 2pm I won't be there on time

No problem, Wednesday… No my mom needs me to baby-sit my brother, she needs to go school humiliate herself to convince our beloved Catholic school to let him in this year in spite of the money we owe them

No problem, Friday… Good

So I woke up on Friday, took the books (in a black bag) and headed to college. My books were in my usual bag (that's where I keep my moving museum!). I get into the bus. Put my bag on my lap and the CCF bag next to my feet. Coming down of the bus, heading for the cab. Riding into the cab… Riding down of the cab… Wait let me check, one bag two bag… One bag, two bag… No something's wrong… There's only one bag, I forgot the CCF bag in the Bus

I don't even want to talk about how I felt, I wished to die, and I don't mean it in any exaggerated form

There were a funeral this week. The mother of a family friend, that family friend happens to be married to a man from my mom's natal town (I wonder if the expression Natal town is right in English)… Anyway the point is that my mom had the chance to talk to her father and brother and some other family friends.

Apparently, my grandfather was invited to the Mass last week. He received and invitation because his son's death.

According to my mother my grandfather was so proud of himself, for receiving the invitation and going there too, he had a seat reserved just for him inside the cathedral. My mom was actually feeling guilty for not going, with or without an invitation. She felt that she has failed her brother, or at least failed the cause for which he died. Seeing her dad made her feel better.

This is another aspect to the Hariça Mass. My uncle died in the early phase of the war, before the individualization of the 'ouwet (LF), there were just the Kae'eb. The fact that Geagea included these people means he has significantly fortified their attachment to both the 'ouwet and himself. Take my grandfather for example, he's over 70 years old, his health is reasonably good but he can already see the inevitable deterioration of his wife, he knows he'd be lucky if he can keep her for a few more years. His son died, he failed his son by letting him die, he failed his son when he failed to burry him, he planned to compensate by building a small monument in the place where he died once they go back to their homes, he failed also (my grandmother needed an urgent operation a few years back which consumed all the money they had received as a compensation for their son's death from the Kate'eb).

Now he had the chance to live a real Goodbye… And he was given that chance via Samir Geagea and the 'ouwet… Smart move.

Oh!!! I've never talked to you about the Lab Coat Guy!

Ok first things first… Let's explain the etymology of the word:

The term Lab Coat Guy was suggested for the first time last year by an online friend (rather an online mentor). The thing is that I forgot the guy's name and I'm too proud to ask. But I often met him in the College library, usually in his lab coat…

Definition and history

The Lab Coat guy is a biochemistry student (now he has finished his degree) that I met last year (in a lab coat of course). The day I met him for the first time, it was in the Library and he was just messing with some books. I instantly recognized a fellow nerd. He was hyperactive and talked faster than he could think. As always he was pissed off about the whole educational system in college (well the system IS deplorable!). that day we talked for a couple of hours, I think. It was certainly not romantic or anything, I mean, I have a terrible crush on nerds and workaholic-like people, but you know there's always that "instinct" that tells you if the person's a potential partner or not, this one was NOT, too much "I'm too smart", "everybody hates me", "everybody's jealous" bla bla bla, bla bla bla and bla blab la.

Anyway, we departed after that (no we did not exchange phone numbers or anything). A few months later, we met in the net café facing our campus and came back home in the same bus. Of course we kept talking and talking, about science mainly.

This year, we met more than we did last year. In the first semester (that's the time when he was baptized "Lab Coat Guy") we met almost every month. He was nice and everything, in fact on one occasion I could have sworn that he was looking at my chest… I suppose he was looking FOR my chest since I look breastless in winter wear. When I told my mentor about this incident (oh did I mention he was Jew… but not in Israeli issues Israel was in fact rarely discussed between us) his verdict was:
Well Rebecca… I won't say anything, you said it: He was looking at your chest"

Current situation

On Friday, I met the Lab Coat Guy again and finally I knew his name: Elie

I also found out that he has also forgotten my name. He insisted on me to sit with him for a while and he even bought me a bottle of Juice (awww… a whole 50cents).He was trying to go to France to continue his studies but his application was rejected, it was never answered in the first place. But he was optimistic he was going to study for a year in a private college and he was relying on a Professor's support for his application next year. He was nice and everything and we talked about a lot of subjects…

I wouldn't tell my mom about him, she would start one of her Parades. In fact there is nothing to it, I don't even like the guy, here's one thing that totally disenchants me about him:

I once met him in the campus, we were talking about his plans to go to France and I was asking for details just as I did so he excused himself… Well not really excused himself, you could say he abruptly ended to the conversation and left, I think all he said was that he "had to go". In fact there is a pattern in this guy's interest, when he has nothing else to do and you're not asking anything from him, he's willing to talk for hours; if not then he's too busy. Friday's meeting for example took place when he was waiting for a professor who wouldn't arrive before an hour (at least).

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All informations are collected from Pour la Science, October's number

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We all know lice, right? Most of us, at a certain stage of their lives, had to deal with lice issues. But did you know that the difference between head lice and body lice? Well of course there's the fact that one live in the head and the other live on the skin of the rest of the body… Duh.

But the scientifically interesting aspect of this duality is the fact that both belong to the same specie but can't reproduce together. They belong to 2 different sub-species:

• Pediculus humanus humanus
(body)

• Pediculus humanus capitis
(head)

In general, capitis and humanus should be able to breed, since they belong to the same specie like the different races of humans but this is an exception, as there are many exceptions in nature.
Pretty cool, huh? But that's an off-topic, because that's not what I'm here to talk to you about. Let's get to the point:

Lice are parasites, and parasites can tell us about our past, judging from the divergence of the parasites you can get information about the intimacy of the hosts.

example #1 studies have shown that Pediculus humanus humanus was born in Africa some 70 000 years ago, Human race is believed to have left Africa slightly before that date

example #2 Human lice and Chimpanzee lice diverted some 5,6 millions years ago… That's when humans and chimps diverted too

But here's the riddle:
Pubic tics are not part of the Pediculus humanus… It's a Phtirus, Phtirus pubis, but it's the same order. Well, guess who's it's closest relative to our pubic friend? It's our friend Phtirus gorillae

Why would our Pubic lice be related to Gorilla lice? And they accuse Arabs of being goat fuckers!