Monday, October 23, 2006

Biochemistry or the fun killer

This entry was posted some 3 weeks ago but blogger kind of sucked it. Some of you have already seen it but I am reposting it.

Do you ever watch American movies and see those kids that have imaginary friends? Well, I have one also; in fact I have an imaginary “boyfriend”. Which is very handy since am imaginary boyfriend’s more customizable than a real human being that you might fantasize about and more available than a real boyfriend… who’s in my case totally unavailable. But there’s one major negative effect: Imaginary boyfriends need NAMES, they wouldn’t be people if they were nameless… You don’t want me to sleep with a stranger do you?!

However, choosing a name is not a simple task at all. Names refer to people you already know. As a result, remembering the name will automatically remind you of the person. Imagine for example naming your imaginary boyfriend like your dad. Nya’!

On the other hand, you can choose a totally new name that none of the people around you have, but that’s awkward and you can’t relax with such a person.

So… After almost 2 years of experimenting my imaginary boyfriend has finally revealed his perfect profile:

His name’s Danny!

Yeah, that’s it, oh no wait two more things:
  • He likes sex

  • He doesn’t have a lot of muscles

That practically sums up all I find essential in a guy, well for the sake of objectivity I would have to admit that these are not even essential, except for the muscles part, men with muscles make me feel so insecure and uninterested.

Now I am not saying that I don’t think of other features, but in those I have no particular preference. His penis for example expands or shrinks according to my own mood, sometimes he’s even impotent I don’t care (it’s my fantasy so I might as well imagine whatever I want!). But of course the last possibility is kind of rare since there isn’t much that can be done without intercourse.

Eventually, what really matters, and what really preoccupies me is his name:


The funny part’s that I do know a few people named Danny, in fact my cousin’s name’s Danny, somehow when I think of the name Danny, my cousin never makes an appearance.
So here’s the twist. Do you remember my last exam? My biochemistry exam? Well, the day before the exam, I was busy with my imaginary boyfriend and suddenly a face appeared right in front of me… My biochemistry Professor! Yes, his name’s Danny too.

My biochemistry Professor isn’t exactly revolting. He’s young and according to my mom’s standards he’s handsome and attractive. But if you look closely, his strongest point’s his charisma. And that’s probably my biggest problem with him; I don’t like Charisma (this may be partly why I don’t like people like Bashir Gemayel as much as others do). However, that’s not the ONLY reason why remembering this man spoils my fun. I just hated, or feared, or felt skeptical about my Professor for many reasons… Too many reasons:

  1. First of all he’s a smug

  2. He’s a typical Metis between an Oriental and an Occidental Macho

  3. He has dark skin with witty eyes, which makes him believe (or maybe know?) he’s sexy and girls die for him

  4. he married a Ukranian which instantly raised his score with the guys, since we regard Eastern European Ladies as symbols of beauty (most men would deny it, but they also deny liking Hayfa Wehbe)

  5. He likes to know about everything (In this I do like him) and likes to let everyone know that he knows about everything (can’t really fall for that)

  6. He likes to brag about his tourism tours, which makes him feel more European

  7. He likes to make witty jokes with sexy girls… Even though he is married

  8. He likes to act as if he owns the world and can do whatever he wishes and that he’s too smart to be refused

  9. he has a huge belly that he seems to find pretty sexy!

  10. He treats women like treasures

  11. He likes to hit on his female students… So typically Oriental

  12. He likes to put his hands on his female students… Regardless of his pretext I say: NO COMMENT

Now please… Delve into my culture for a moment to better understand this character. In my society, there are numerous rules, everything’s already set and all interactions have strict rules, resulting in strict outcome. For example, you can hit on a girl anywhere anyway… No problem. If she’s receptive, you can go further… No problem. But it wouldn’t be recommended for you to actually fall in love with this lady, because the method in which you met her is not very orthodox, and after all, what kind of girl that would accept a guy hitting on her on the street for example, that reduces her score in the stock market. But effectively such situations happen with everybody and many smart educated and polite girls do it sometimes (if not all the times). A guy might fall in love with her and even wish to marry her, but in this case the couple wouldn’t reveal to others the way they met… It’s not right for the woman. The right way would be choosing a wife from your group of lifelong friends, or a colleague from work, or usually a college friend sometimes some make some consultations to choose a wife, in other terms, get a wife on demand!

Total strangers are usually for easy and quick fucks when you are pretty horny, or usually when the woman’s very horny.

As a result, society produces in college – the first environment that partially escapes parental supervision, most of the time the only one - on one hand, Horny, young, sexy and sexually frustrated female students. And on the other hand, horny young (or not), sexy (or not) but certainly sexually frustrated Professors.

Let the show begin… We have nuptial parades we have weird – supposedly hidden – flirting. Professors hit on girls; girls giggle but pretend not to care. Professor get tremendous pleasure from buying this false sense of sexual attraction that they buy with generous grades. Girls also seem to get tremendous pleasure from experimenting their female authority and enjoying their sexuality, not to mention the good grades. What intrigues me is that it’s all-fake, there’s no physical contact, no satisfied pleasures… Nothing, just childish flirting! And to think that they could all do this outside university and even more, damn it! I think they actually do it outside so why get so turned on by this unnatural and unhealthy sort of liaisons?

Of course, for the sake of objectivity I would have to clear that I am not generalizing, of course 90% of professors don’t act like that. After all, 70% of the biology department’s professors are Women! And the some men are not sexually frustrated.

That’s what drives me crazy about Professor Danny. He’s young, he’s newly married, and he doesn’t seem to be sexually frustrated… Why does he act like one?

Last year, before becoming our biochemistry professor, Danny was our Mineralogy professor, for the practical Laboratory work. He used to get so glued on girls, and frankly? Girls loved it. I did not!

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not the kind that would bash others for sexual experimentation, I have done worse than this. In fact if this guy weren’t our Professor I would have perfectly understood why girls would drool on him. But he’s our professor+he’s married+he’s a smug+he’s excessively available to all individuals with female genitals… How can a girl have a crush on him? Doesn’t she want to feel special; doesn’t she want a good and enriching relationship instead of a simple student with boobs? To be totally honest, I don’t like people who abuse their position to touch my hips and I certainly don’t like men who would help a girl improve her grades from good to excellent with the power of her eyes and looks. And even though I always joked with him and enjoyed his witty sense of humor, I never really got along with him, I always got the worst grades and he always expressed his disappointment with my performance. But I didn’t mind that, I just didn’t want him to get into any flirty mood when it came to me! At numerous occasions I avoided getting too close to him or seeing through his microscope (to avoid being escorted with his hands on my way).

But then one day he came to my microscope to help me out and when I was looking through the lenses he had his hand on my hip. Ok, don’t panic Rebecca, he’ll take it off. He did not, so I discretely elbowed his hand… He got the message; he’s a smart man.

But, even though I knew I did the right thing, after all I didn’t like him and I never gave him any hint that I might be interested, I never allowed him to touch me in any way; but still in spite of all that I felt somehow guilty, or maybe scared, or maybe both. I just felt wrong. At that time I was suffering from an uncomfortable experience with another wounded ego and feared to have any misadventure with this one, this one’s far more powerful!

In the end, Dr. Danny did nothing. He didn’t seem to have noticed, I don’t see why would he even care about me, I am not the sexiest woman on earth (far from that) but from that time on, he treated me like one of the boys (not that minded, I used to hang out with those boys anyway. In the end I had the second worst grade in the whole class on my final exam, but it was not because of any discrimination, I am always the one that never scores well.

My fears faded and I never remembered Pr. Danny in any particularly negative way. But still, remembering this professor kind of spoiled the perfection of the name for me.


Chris in MB said...

"...expands or shrinks according to my own mood, sometimes he’s even impotent"

All women have this sort of control over a guy's penis! But only the evil sadistic one's would make a poor guy impotent on purpose. :(
Gee, & I thought you were really a nice sweet person.
"the last possibility is kind of rare since there isn’t much that can be done without intercourse."

Hey!, just last week you mentioned another great alternative.

But seriously, that professor sounds like a real pig. The phrase, "Hawk in the hen house" comes to mind. Sounds like he's getting off on it by openly abusing his status & position of power. You should have given the bastard a swift kick to the groin. Make him impotent for a little while.

But really I am glad he left you alone after your subtle "hint".

I don't know, a professor blatantly flirting with a student over here usually doesn't go over very well at all. That's a big taboo.

Chris in MB said...

ahh ha, found it!
This is what you ought to do the next someone pulls a stunt like that:

Jos said...

Great vid Chris! lol

jokerman said...

Wow pazuzu, i confess i didnt read it all as it got a bit surreal for me first thing after i woke up, but i understood what you meant about those girls drooling over prof danny, seems like a real jerk. You shouldnt have felt guilty anyway & you can always rename your imaginary bf, maybe andy is nice. :)

Einmal said...

I am cruel ME?! did you watch that video you posted?

and besides it's MY fantasy I can do whatever I like

"I don't know, a professor blatantly flirting with a student over here usually doesn't go over very well at all."
I'd be considered as "overreacting"

Chris in MB said...

oh, I was just being silly, you knew that right?

"I'd be considered as 'overreacting'"

I don't think I understand. Some people may consider what you did as overreacting? I think you handled it well.