Monday, October 16, 2006

Scientific tip of the week: Cunnilingus for a better health

Thanks to Arte

The internal cavities’ sterility (toward pathological parasites) is not an easy objective. Most pathological parasites are eliminated by the simple effect of hostile conditions (alkaline or acid environment, for example). But it’s not just that. Many microbes actually enjoy such “hostile” conditions. Those are eliminated by the effort of other microbes via the competition game… So far nothing new, right? Here are some problems though:

  • On one hand, we know that parasites are far more successful than symbiotic or commensally organisms. In other terms, put two species of microbes (an aggressive one and a peaceful one) in the same environment. In no time, the parasite will take over.
  • On the other hand, the equilibrium inside our digestive system is different from the one found in our environment (air, water, earth, food…). So apparently, we didn’t just ingest the microbes we modified their proportions.


Now of course, one could say that the human body is capable of producing enzymes and proteins to customize the composition of our micro-friends. I have no clear and conclusive information about that. Nothing prohibits such a mechanism but the plasticity of microbes limits its effectiveness.

A better-known reason is the precocious ingestion of useful germs and microbes. The early arrival of these germs to the “virgin stomach” gives it a huge advantage that will preserve its predominance. In other words, the nice germs are pumped into our body. They see the vast land with a lot of decaying shit to feed on, they think to themselves

Praise the Lord! He has given us this Promised Land. Let’s reproduce and fill it.

Then when the evil Polytheist parasites come, the Chosen germs produce toxins and purify the Land, so that God would remain happy.

This theory is proven in many animals. We know for example that baby elephants and baby hamsters find their Mom’s shit. These animals urgently need these germs for their crucial role in digestion.

Other animals regurgitate food for their kids (penguins, wild dogs, wolves…). The little ones ingest the germs with the meals. Mammals feed their babies with milk, which contains useful germs also.

Ok… That’s good… But that’s not all! What’s the very first environment that the child comes in contact with after the Uterus? The doctor’s hands? No, the Mom’s vagina.

Yes, boys and girls. The composition of the healthy and normal stomach is populate by a significant proportions of germs that usually populate the female vagina. Children who are born prematurely and by cesarean operation never compensate the absence of contact with their mom’s vagina.

So girls, next time your boyfriend/girlfriend are executing some cunning cunnilingus, don’t think of it as a great favor you are receiving… Think of it more as a favor you are giving… Oh and guys, stop complaining, you should be grateful!

11 comments:

Nomad said...

did you mother know it was all about sex pleasure ?

Chris in MB said...

"...stop complaining, you should be grateful!"

I've never complained!

shlemazl said...

Damn you, Chris. You've read so much of my stuff that you know in advance what I am about to say.

Chris in MB said...

hehe shlemazl, I was first to the punch!

I'm wondering if it works both ways, perhaps I also have some beneficial germs to offer?

Jos said...

Well, thanks for giving me - a declared case of OCD - a somehow 'positive view' of oral sex :P

Einmal said...

Nomad:
I haven't really openned this subject with my mom :D

Chris & Shlemazl:
It's either that the rumours are true and you are twins or it's the candaian air hehe


Jos:
You're welcome, I think when it comes to oral sex, it's not enough to have a positive view. But it must be good


And chris (without Shlemazl this time):
I don't know for sure, usually male secretions are meant to reduce the female immunity system, but it would need further inspection:D

Chris in MB said...

In the name of science & for the benefit of all mankind, I'll make the sacrifice & offer myself freely.

shlemazl said...

Chris,

You are too late. There is a Russian classic written on the subject by Yuz Aleshkovski. It's written exclusively using Russian swearwords. Russian language is so rich, you can express any thoughts or feelings in this way. The book is about a guy who was involved in these kind of experiments in exactly the role you are suggesting.

Ultimately, it's quite a sweet book about love. Highly recommend reading this book, but I don't think it translates well.

Chris in MB said...

shlemazl, maybe I'm part Russian?

"...male secretions are meant to reduce the female immunity system"
Perhaps it would be a great alternative immunosuppressant therapy for organ transplant patients. I could win a Nobel prize for that & have fun!

Shlemazl you better not copy me.

shlemazl said...

Chris,

It wouldn't work. Rebecca is confused about sperm. It is a well known fact that sperm stimulates female immunity system [ref].

Rebecca, believe me, sperm is good for you.

Einmal said...

Shlemazl, it has become extremely urgent for me to learn russian now

Btw in this context sperm stimulates immunity by provoking it, not by simply helping it... anyway, we'll see when I give my full report