So.. Finally i am done with a big chunk of the work

eh as you have read, I have done most of the tasks I have till February the 9th and I feel good about myself :D

I still have a lot to do in everything but anyway, when the 9th of February comes I know I haven't failed. But anyway, forget about work for a second and let's focus on something else.

To be honest, I don't really find anything to talk about when I don't talk about work. There was a time when I just craved to talk, I had opinions about anything and everything. But now I find it even hard to answer my non-co-worker friends. It's not that I don't want to, but I don't hear the phone ringing, and then when I see the missed call I find myself staring at the phone thinking to myself: "If I call him, what would I say? What would we talk about?" so I put the phone aside and reassure myself that I will call him some other, but I forget all about it in a few minutes, until I find another missed-call from him again. And this time, not only do I find nothing to say, I also have to find an explanation for why i didn't answer him last time and the time before that, and why I didn't call back when I saw the phone.
It's weird how I can't get into a conversation with anyone, I can still listen to them. Sometimes they piss me off, but most of the time I am still passable when it comes to listening.

I guess that it's a phase as always, you see my previous work drained me tremendously. I got to a point where I couldn't tolerate human presence anymore, not even my own. I would climb the stars almost in tears. I am not sure what it was that put me in this mindset, in a way I knew that work is work, but i kind of hoped it'd be better, because of my work in Meem... It wasn't, so far Meem has been the only exception that I have found. I guess this means I am hooked for ever in Meem and therefore in Lebanon.

But no, no this is not where I wanted the auto-conversation to lead when I first started writing. After all, I am not the only person who works for a living. People who work are the majority of people on this planet. Most people are not thrilled about their job, but they manage. Why couldn't I manage also. I know that I needed to leave, but why? Why did I get to a point where I couldn't stand going to the office, even when there was no work to do? Maybe I was bored, maybe I was reduced to executive tasks, maybe I wanted to make change not get paid by the end of the month. Or simply I didn't feel they were worthy of my talent.

Ok come to think of it, I don't want to think about why I had to quit. I am much happier now. I stepped down the car and I climb the stares and I find myself smiling, without a reason, heyk, just happy to be coming to this office, working with these people, doing these projects and knowing that I am happy... or just happier than before.

I would really do this job for free.... don't tell my boss, actually I already did, forget it ;)

Shaza's latest update

Ok so the last event that happened to al Anisa Shaza is that she changed her name from Shaza to Bintak Ikhtak.... I just love this girl

The good news

I have been watching closely the global breakdown of the banks all around the world. I admit, the first time I heard about it I was a bit scared. I was thinking to myself:
Ok, GREAT! This is exactly what we need, we had been struggling for three years with political problems, when the big investors around the word were enjoying the outrages prices of fuel and everything and we were doing what? um, killing each other, frightening each other. And now that we having finally got our act together and elected a president, difficultly found a way to form a government... NOW we are having this financial crisis, now that we are finally lifting ourselves above our shit we have a financial break down
Oddly enough the financial did not affect the Lebanese economy! Nothing! I thought it takes some time to hit the region but then again Dubai and other Emirates broke down and licensed their employees (I know this because a good percentage of my friends work in various gulf countries and a big percentage of them got licensed for no reason) and Lebanon did even feel the international crisis.
Only then did I realize that we actually have a powerful banking system. Everyone used to praise our banking system but I refused to believe it was THAT great, no one is THAT great after all. But I stand corrected.
You see, and according to what I have read here and there, that what this guy actually did was:
1- predict this would happen, I guess it doesn't exactly take a genius to predict that a system of "loans on loans and loans to cover the loans that were taken on loans and loans taken to create credit in order to provide loans to make profit and therefore create something out of nothing" is not really difficult to predict, really any airhead could have predicted this would happen.
2- Do something about it! I wonder why no one ever did anything about it. I guess it is difficult to impose a less profitable system on banks. Lebanon has a very strong financial system but it had its horrible moments, like in 1982 when our currency went bankrupt and people lost all their money and savings (my dad was one of them). Ever since the central bank has unimaginable authority. And apparently it pays off.

But then again, there is only one thing I will regret about not having a Recession.

This has been a fruitful day!

It was, really. Not only have I almost finished the Meem new blog but I also inspired (somehow) a dear friend of mine to start her own personal blog.
Her nickname is shaza (queer or gay) in arabic and she is green! In case you didn't know/remember the font she used is actually the one that the sandmonkey used to have.
Hihi let's see where this takes us.

The pleasures of having three different Browsers

I remember when my brother showed me the brand new Opera Browser I was like: Blah, I like my internet explorer :-l. Yes I was always the kind that fears change. Now I can't function without having a myriad of browsers, just for the heck of it. I always had an equally huge number of email accounts, but to be honest, I never really used them all, I always used one very often and then when I get sick of it i move to another one.
Well, recently i have been more or less forced to use like 5 different email accounts and to check them regularly. You see I finally convinced the people I work with that the best thing to do is to move to blogger and to hell with wordpress, I just never got used to wordpress to be honest (it's not that blogger is better, I am just more used to it). And I have been working on this new template that is supposed to be totally kick-ass and professional.
That is frankly why I haven't updated my blog, anytime I am having online is going straight to working on the details of the new blog! it's so time consuming, especially that I chose to be very moronic and put myself a very high standard, I chose a very awesome template but that requires a lot of customization and html work... But I am sure it'll be worth it.
Now what I hadn't thought of was the fact that before I know it, I became this blogger expert that is recruited anytime the NGO I work in needs something remotely related to blogging... I secretly love that :)
So when we started brainstorming about the brand new feminist collective, that we have just launched a few days ago (without any cakes, or fireworks of course) we wanted a new blog and of course I am supposed to set it up.
So now I have two personal emails that I check regularly (the funny one that all of you know already) my professional one that I use to apply for jobs, but also there is the gmail that I used to establish the new Meem Blog and the new gmail that I just created to make a blog for the feminist collective, and this exact moment I need all of them to be open at the same time, since I am multitasking and expecting emails and/or working on all of them. So here's what I do:

• I open my personal fun email using gmail.com on Firefox


• I open my personal but professional email using thunderbird


• I open my meemgroup.org professional email using outlook


• I open my Meem Blog email using gmail.com on Chrome


• I open my Feminist collective email using gmail.com on Internet explorer

I'm so funny sometimes :D

On the genuinity of hostorical book

Let's play a game:

1. Read this article: Judging a book by its genomes
2. Wait for like 1 or 2 years
3. Ana I bet that within two years they will notice the number of books that they are using as witnesses will turn out to be wrongfully dated, what do you think?

Yes of course I know that they had already dated the scripts that they will use on C isotopes and they never rely on the dates and facts provided by authors... But think about it, wouldn't it be cool :D.
Me Loves Scientific American

A couple of words regarding photography

I am not a photographer, put aside my phone, I don't even have a camera (yet). But I am the proud daughter of an amateur photographer and I was always infatuated by the world of photography, or maybe should I say the graphic world. But it's difficult to corner what I perceive as a good image. My Pazuzian definition of anything beautiful is what ever can make me feel something strongly and come back for more. Eh, I know that a picture of vomit creates an intense feeling of disgust in me... But I don't come back for more :-/. So that is not pretty. Eh kamen I know that this means that pornographic pictures are beautiful... Um yes I think pornography is very beautiful, sorry.

But this is not the real question when it comes to comparing real photography to fake photography. If you ask graphic designers they will tell you that Graphic design is the most sublime form of graphic art, it goes beyond photography. if you ask photographer s/he will tell you that it's all about the experience and the authenticity of a picture, its fidelity to its subjects. Most people agree with the latter. You see photography exposés everywhere, not as much graphic art exposés... But still graphic designers will easily make a living (MOI, the ultimate biologist, had to learn photoshop to be good at my job... MOI, who knows the secret to how a muscle contracts!).
Sadly, both antagonists are hypocrites, most non-hypocrites adhere to the Pazuzian dogma and would tell you that the reason why graphic designer make a better living is that their material is more flexible to marketing needs and the reason photography is more prestigious is because it has the ancestry advantage, it has been there for much longer.
In fact the Pazuzian definition of beauty is much more simple and makes much more sense. It's always about that twist of things that make all the difference. A picture, a simple light print on a film can be powerful, check out Happy Emi. (Yes I know, flickr is annoying and restricting, I can't embed this picture).
This is called a universal cheat of the human affection:

• Use a smiling baby picture and any human, who is not autistic for example, will feel the urge to smile
• Get a crystal clear image, with all the details (including the soft baby hair)
• Make sure to have a bright looking baby
• Add a sparkle of exoticism (with those dark eyes over wight skin)

And you are certain to have a kickass picture. You don't need any tricks, or edits to bring this photo to life.

But then sometimes, using nothing but old fashion photography tricks can make all the difference. Like for example opening the aperture for a while before taking the picture and you will get this luminescent line:
*
In this picture it looks as if it is spinning insanely.

Or you can take it a step further, using filters... I personally love filters to help one element stand out or create an awesome feeling emanating from the picture:
Like this one: Just Chillin (again the amazing trick or the exotic baby picture)

But sometimes, Graphic art can be even more artistic than art itself. it can create this amazing world where nothing is real but everything is so captivating. A bit of science fiction, a lot of imagination and grain of every baby inside every one of us and you get this:
*
I want to be this winged lion too :(. I want to have that cool hat and those huge wings! I want that crazy car and that amazingly living sky... and balloons, oh the balloons... *sigh*
And who cares if this is all graphic constructed by some nerd who could have never seen the real colors of the sky, it spoke to my inner me.
It's beautiful by all Pazuzu standards.
* I have no idea what the original source of these two pictures is but I found them on the photography section of the Rockstar Template Blog.

Google's New Favicon

Eh Eh Seriously, I thought I was going to have a scoop and draw the attention of the world on the new google favicon But it seems like someone beat me to it :-/
Damn my five minutes of fame will have to wait

Google is heavenly

I am a big google fan, like a really really big google fan, google is my platonic lover, really! Now I know that the wight background in the google search engine kind of consumes energy, because ... well it's wight. But you can't come to me and say making 2 google searches produces as much carbon dioxide as boiling water :(. That's irrational! give me facts or figures, PLEASE.
You see, a lesson I have learned in my pseudo carrier in science and journalism is that, when it comes to writing, science is still science but scientists are the world's greatest drama queens and when it comes to media, BBC is the ultimate opportunistic Diva.
So...No! I refuse to believe.

the car that thinks it's a tank

I know, it's supposed to be fancy and exaggerating security adds to the aura of the president, but I couldn't help but giggle when I red the part about the blood units:
The car that thinks it's a tank

As it is clear from Thursday's post, I am very fed up with the sensational way we are reacting to the Gaza war. It's revolting to see so many Palestinian civilians getting killed and ignoring the real problem by blame the usual suspect, Israel of course.
Only a few are daring to protest against this mainstream portrayal of the problem... They are usually anti-Hezbollah people and I tend to agree with most of what they are saying, check out what AK said, it worth reading: Looking beyond the horror

Smelling cheating, the amazing world of pheromones

So I was reading this article on the National Geographic website: Ants Smell Cheaters and Assault Them. It's always fascinating to read such articles.
The idea is quite simple, we all know that in an ants' community only the queen reproduces and in our minds the ants just obey, some talk about the hormonal castration ability that the queen has over the workers. But in fact, workers can reproduce, not the full kind of reproduction but a different, less efficient one called parthenogenesis, which, in a nutshell, means that their eggs will reproduce clones of the mother. That is not good in general and therefore it is only restricted to the extreme case when the queen dies with no one next in line.
It is in the community's interest to just have a queen that produces the good eggs and the workers that... um... work. But even with ants there is always the I that sometimes prevails over the us, and some workers try to cheat and to lay eggs.
So what happens then? The others just smell it. The special smells that ants detect in these cases is called pheromones they are not normal smells, they are not identified as such. For as far as fellow workers are concerned, this worker is trying to cheat and we must stop her... A hate crime by all means because there is no proof to the treason of the ant except for the pheromone. And when the researchers inserted this pheromone in innocent ants the others will attack them.
Now if you read the article you would notice the author of the paper makes conclusions about the potential role of pheromones on humans. Because there are studies that say that we still have receptors to pheromones in our bodies(the previous link is only one of a million). But of course, out of objectivity concern, the authors of the article quote someone that was not part of the research saying that we cannot jump into conclusions when it comes to human pheromones... And it's true, I don't want to give anyone the excuse to go and kill someone saying: my pheromone receptors informed me that he planed to kill me! Science doesn't need anymore abusive manipulators.
But it's quite intriguing, I mean smelling fear, smelling desire, feeling the chemistry, feeling that the partner is hiding something, alarming first impressions... all of these details on which tomorrow always proves you right! It's scary I tell you and the most rational and scientific way to explain it would be a combination of:

1. Prejudice: We always like to judge people in order to make our lives much easier


2. Stubbornness: If you see someone that has left a bad first impression you would always try to prove that person is bad


3. Something biological (maybe pheromones, why not?): I mean sometimes it is just beyond you as rational as you may try to be, you always come to the conclusion that the people that left a bad first impression are not good for you, even if for a while you are totally convinced that your first impression was wrong and you try to build your relationship with that person in a perfectly friendly way.

I don't know, that's what I think

Some of the things that have changed

So my last update was in May 2008 and back then I was just reassuring people that I am still alive. My last real post was February 2008. It has been a while, one more month and it would be a whole year.
I often wonder why I stopped posting, I guess i didn't have enough time, I was very busy and I just didn't have the chance to say anything. But I was also emotionally busy. It's sad I guess, I always missed blogging. Blogging was always one of those things that I am most proud of. Weird I know.
So what got me back to blogging? I just realized how close blogging is to my true me. I really don't understand the love game, I don't understand the friendship game and I certainly don't understand the job game.So many games that I don't really understand. But blogging was always one thing that I felt that I understood, all I had to do was to blabber about what seemed relevant to me.
But then again I look back at my blogosphere and I look at all the people that were my blog friends and blog foes... so much has changed...

• Chris stopped blogging then came back, I always loved his blog.


• Shlemazl's blog now requires me to get permission to see his posts, but it's ok, I can still read what he writes from my reader :D


• Nomad is still blogging... She is still my oasis, that has not changed


• Ezou is blogging again, that's not so good you know... you'll get through this my friend


• Sandmonkey is still the crazy monkey that he always was... I love this guy


• Jeha... Oh yes Jeha, the blog that I have been stalking for ever :D... shh don't tell him I am still stalking him.


• And the others, the others are just blurry for me now...

It's kind of funny, but for me, the one who changed the most is me. Yes I changed a lot. After a broken heart (you could say that I broke it myself) and getting a job, then resigning (Please don't ask about that!) and a more established identity, after visiting Amman, Berlin and most of the Flanders I came back home and realized: You know what? I really like this pazuzu. I like the way she is crazy and sad and happy and moody and smart and totally dumb...
So yeah, my new year's resolution was to take care of this pazuzu more often, I want to read, I want to end up with this fucked up uni and I want to blog :D
let's see how well will I achieve that this year :).

Yes I break my silence to say one thing:

All of you people talking about Gaza, on facebook, msn and everyone you can type a whole sentence; all of you putting pictures of slaughtered children in the streets and of scared mothers; all of you giving me crap about the viciousness of Israel… You are the people who care the least about Gaza or Palestine or the children that die pour un oui ou pour un non.
Khalas ba2a, tla3o min rase with your stupid avatars and your stupid words… Khalas hypocrisy dressed in compassion. Stop highjacking online media to do the Jihad you are too chicken to do, what are you looking for? Exposure of the Palestinian cause? Ma Gaza is on every fucking station.
Shi marra face this frightening truth that stares you in the face and bi2ouwa hal ba7sa… The only enemy to the Palestinian cause is Hamas and those lli bishiddo 3a mshadda. Ma ba2a trab7oune jmeele with your bigotry.