eh as you have read, I have done most of the tasks I have till February the 9th and I feel good about myself :D
I still have a lot to do in everything but anyway, when the 9th of February comes I know I haven't failed. But anyway, forget about work for a second and let's focus on something else.
To be honest, I don't really find anything to talk about when I don't talk about work. There was a time when I just craved to talk, I had opinions about anything and everything. But now I find it even hard to answer my non-co-worker friends. It's not that I don't want to, but I don't hear the phone ringing, and then when I see the missed call I find myself staring at the phone thinking to myself: "If I call him, what would I say? What would we talk about?" so I put the phone aside and reassure myself that I will call him some other, but I forget all about it in a few minutes, until I find another missed-call from him again. And this time, not only do I find nothing to say, I also have to find an explanation for why i didn't answer him last time and the time before that, and why I didn't call back when I saw the phone.
It's weird how I can't get into a conversation with anyone, I can still listen to them. Sometimes they piss me off, but most of the time I am still passable when it comes to listening.
I guess that it's a phase as always, you see my previous work drained me tremendously. I got to a point where I couldn't tolerate human presence anymore, not even my own. I would climb the stars almost in tears. I am not sure what it was that put me in this mindset, in a way I knew that work is work, but i kind of hoped it'd be better, because of my work in Meem... It wasn't, so far Meem has been the only exception that I have found. I guess this means I am hooked for ever in Meem and therefore in Lebanon.
But no, no this is not where I wanted the auto-conversation to lead when I first started writing. After all, I am not the only person who works for a living. People who work are the majority of people on this planet. Most people are not thrilled about their job, but they manage. Why couldn't I manage also. I know that I needed to leave, but why? Why did I get to a point where I couldn't stand going to the office, even when there was no work to do? Maybe I was bored, maybe I was reduced to executive tasks, maybe I wanted to make change not get paid by the end of the month. Or simply I didn't feel they were worthy of my talent.
Ok come to think of it, I don't want to think about why I had to quit. I am much happier now. I stepped down the car and I climb the stares and I find myself smiling, without a reason, heyk, just happy to be coming to this office, working with these people, doing these projects and knowing that I am happy... or just happier than before.
I would really do this job for free.... don't tell my boss, actually I already did, forget it ;)
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