Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Apology

Before saying anything, I have an apology for everyone for being rather hostile, self centered and unsensitive… I’m sorry for unanswered emails and for posting a whole day too late and without any notice. My excuse? I wasn’t feeling well. I am not sure why, but do you remember when I mentioned overcoming a depression period last week? I also said that I hoped I wouldn’t fall back. Not exactly feeling depressed but a sort of masked low morale. I have been through this before and it could be related to the fact that I was sick at the start of last week and the fact that I am menstruating right now (Sometimes I just hate being a woman!).

The ultimate result of everything is that I feel anti-social and aggressive, about everything and everyone! Damn it! On Friday evening I hadn’t even started writing anything.

It’s been one of those periods where life seems to be so slow… Like 0 Km/h. I’m not particularly feeling sad or anything, in fact I just feel like a genie in a bottle, I don’t need anything, I am not deprived, but I feel helpless and futureless. I am no longer feeling ballistic and I am not yelling at anyone, but I don’t want to mix up with others either. And worse, I have no sex drive; I just don’t feel like doing it anymore. Weird.

I suppose that this is because of this phase of my life, last year I was looking forward to the moment when I finish college, I had so many plans, working in biology (or even in anything else, just as long as I don’t remain so penniless), maybe find a way to continue my studies in biology, or maybe start studying a totally new sector (Anthropology, linguistics, journalism… I had so many different plans). I was also considering the possibility of immigrating (I’ll confess that Norway is actually the place that I DREAM to go to!)…

Now I feel that I can’t achieve any of that. I can’t work because there’s absolutely no work anywhere in Lebanon, this divine victory of hell didn’t help at all! I find it depressing to think about any PhD or Masters because of my terrible grades. I really find my chances to be very slim in starting in a new sector of studies because I’m totally broke and I am not enjoying it… And finally, I feel that I can’t leave this country because I have no money… Life is life!


Anyway, I did finish a draft I had started almost 2 months ago about God
and finished a cute quiz that I found on a forum, yeah I stole it

And then there's the scientific tip of the week, it's small this week and it has nothing to do with sex

And last but not least, my brother and I had a very constructive conversation

7 comments:

Chris in MB said...

Hope you feel better soon. I was like this a couple weeks ago so I know just what it's like. Hehe, well minus the menstruating part anyhow.

Nomad said...

do you know Norway is just like Manitoba ?

and Manitoba needs to be populated :lol:

shlemazl said...

Wonder why Norway... True, fjords are beautiful in spring. True, there are a lot of tall blond men. However the alcoholism problem seems to be just as bad as in Russia and there is quite a bit of racism.

I would choose North America. Suppose I did.

jokerman said...

No need for apologies pazuzu.
Norway is a bit cold, pity it isnt in the EU, perhaps they are wise not to join.

Einmal said...

nomad:
You can't learn norwegian in Manitoba can you?:P

Shlemazl:
well love is blind and I have a blind love for norway, even though I probably won't even try to go there

Nomad said...

Becca, you'll need english and will well understood there, no worry about norvegegian language

Einmal said...

lol I want to learn norwegian :D