Thursday, June 08, 2006
Zarqawi's death (a little late)
This post might upset some of you, but it's on my mind and I will post it anyway, feel free to criticize, bash or call for my crucifixion, I'd still love you all despite all of that:
When I first heard about zarqawi's death, I was playing Pinball on the PC. My mom told me about it. I looked at her and said:
- Inno what can we say, Alla yer7amo, bass it's not someone we can really regret.
And I continued playing Pinball (and losing by the way). Sometime later, they started posting pictures of everyone cheering and applauding for Zarqawi's death. And I couldn't help but to remember the 9/11 events, back then I was in the Church practicing with the chorus. Some of the Dudes came in, grinning and telling everybody else that America was on fire! There were a weird cloud of amusement and disbelief in the air. As the skeptical I always am, I acted as if I didn't care, to say the truth, I didn't know what to think about this.
Then I went home, and I saw the first pictures of the attacks on the world trade center, it was weird. When you think about a huge blow to a leading country, you don't really think about all the humans jumping from the windows. And you want to know what I felt? I didn't really regret those attacks. In my mind it was just the price of the war that the US had brought itself. Hate me if you wish, but I didn't really care about the people that die, it was my 14/15 apathy moment. I had just survived my own self destructive year. When I was suicidal I remember writing in my diaries (I kept diaries during that time only) alot about the balkan war. The whole concept of attacking a nation, invading its borders in order to preserve the right of a muslim minority, the muslims that are repressing the christian minority in my homeland, and no one would move a finger to save us.
I wanted (needed?) to make a stand and to restitute a sense of control of my own world. I asked myself a question:
- Regardless of religious belief, what makes a death justifiable?
I answered myself:
- Regardless of religious belief, anything justifies a death.
Humans kill by nature, Nature itself is a murderer. I will never kill anyone, but there is no reason for me to defend anyone from death, because if I defend anyone, I will defend everyone, including the children who are starving to death in Africa, the same kids that will grow up to become mercenary and kill some other kids. If I defend life I will defend it to the full. And I am no fighter, I am a quitter I always realized that about myself.
Not only that, I was bitter, I felt that since I went close to death and survived, then anyone else is to fend for him/herself. For all I care, they can all die, after all dying by someone else's hand is a salvation, god wouldn't allow one's death if God was not going to welcome him/her in heaven, right?
I am straying out of the subject, the point is that I thought to myself, americans are grown ups, they should have known that they are part of this fucked up world, it's about time they suffer with it.
Even though I don't apologize for thinking like that at a certain moment in my life, I do regret it. It showed how sad and helpless I felt. What's all this got to do with Zarqawi's death?
Well, I don't know how many of you know or remember this but, in the region, there were little remorse for the attacks. People were simply amused, TV stations even showed Palestinian women cheering and distributing Be'lewa on the streets (yes, they later went to donate blood for the victims, go figure!).
I can't help but to think, aren't the people cheering today for Zarqawi's death a mirror’s reflection of the people cheering for the 9/11 attacks? Isn't all this the result of the same feeling but with different directions?
As a Lebanese citizen I was raised with thinking about murder quantifiable, it can be a + or a - according to the victim. I am sorry people, but as far as I'm concerned, a death is a death, it's a failure of the philosophy that we suffer to prove, the philosophy that calls for everybody to be given the right to live. According to that philosophy I rejected Gemayel's figure as the maronite Idol. According to that philosophy I rejected hating all those different from me. According to that philosophy I learned not to hate those who hurt me, simply because no one is forced to love me or work for me, and I have no reason to hate them. (P.S.:there were very few who actually hurt me, but you know, it's only human to seek people to accuse of hating us).