Monday, March 13, 2006


Today’s a warm, windy and sandy day; but the morning was calm and fresh, a nice day in fact. As I was in the bus, sitting quietly and comfortably, continuing the article I have been reading for the last couple of days.

A few minutes later, a guy sits in front of me, busy doing ….. um busy doing nothing. I suppose his main goal was to avoid some potentially unwanted embarrassing eye contact, or just being polite and avoiding to stare at people. I, on the other hand, I don’t have his delicacy; I don’t avoid the eye contact especially with girls or with sweet guys like this one. I enjoy communicating with total strangers, not necessarily start a conversation, and definitely not to exchange phone numbers; but the eye contact is so magical! Sometimes giggling about something funny. And you know what? I always found that girls, at least in my Lebanese society, are much more appealing when it comes to casual, friendly and aimless talk. Girls laugh faster, they avoid making me feel uncomfortable and they are NOT STICKY!

I mean guys are nice and good and everything, and some of them, like the guy in the bus, are sweet, polite, private and everything. But most of the times guys give things unnecessary dimensions.

For example:
I was walking on the street a couple weeks ago, I was walking alone minding my own business and a guy asks me for directions, I help him out and direct him to the municipality building and everything. Maybe was I too nice? Because next thing he did was to tell me where he comes from, what he does for a living and asks me if I am engaged?! I mean WTF?! Do I have it written on my ass: “Available Hot Chick”?! I am not even attractive, I look like boys and I act like boys. Why would this guy assume I am a good candidate for his “wife-seeking” contest?

That is not pretty much shocking if we actually think about it many times I have read about guys thinking and rethinking about all the “lost chances” for finding love. Especially the nice ones.

Yes the guy names all the girls that showed interest in him at college and school and that pretty colleague that used to bash her eyes for him; but he also mentions sometimes the times when they used to go on the street (or bus lol) and they see a nice girl that “smiles” to them. OMG this “smile” thing is so powerful on these people. Yes I know the value of this smile too. A smile’s probably the nicest thing one can do to another. Whenever I see someone smiling to me I feel like I’m swimming in warm water, effortlessly. And I do anything to make people smile or laugh, when I am with friends (even those are not close to me) I act stupid, lame and childish to make them all laugh, I know most of them just see me as a silly person for being like that but I don’t care, I know that I can make them laugh and I can make them smile on dark days and I can make them happy, I am not sure why that is such a positive thing but I am addicted to it. Probably cause that’s all I’m good at?

But you know what? When I smile to a stranger, I don’t want to fuck him!! I am just smiling, to implant a seed of happiness for a moment. I just see him nice and sweet and I want him to know that. I don’t want to “build” anything. Just a fucking smile. Why do men assume that I have some hidden intentions? Why does this guy assume that he is missing his chance when he doesn’t make some sort of daring step to talk to me? I don’t want him to talk to me, in fact if he tries to approach me I get scared. It’s pretty weird I can’t explain it. It’s like a compliment just take it and smile, it’s not an invitation to my life.



Steven said...

Not all men think like that. This is a steriotype.

Steven said...

Your blog is actually awesome. I am subscribing to its feed. :)

Pazuzu said...

well of course not, if all men were like that I would have been gay by now.
Thanks for subscribing to my blog's feed (do I even have one?)