Ne lui parlez plus d’elle

Sophia©2008 john sloan

At every turning point of your life, you will suffer… No one and nothing can protect you. A long time ago Pazuzu decided that God was unable to save her out of her misery. She was right. But yet she lived to see another day. At every turning point she had to suffer. There were nothing to hide her away from it, it’s because Anguish comes from the inside, if you hide Anguish will occupy a greater portion of your own time and Anguish will scream into your ears. If you escape to the hands of Lover, Anguish will feel jealous and will haunt both you and Her, She will scream in your face telling you how you hurt Her and how you had no right to… even if you never hurt Her. If you run for your family their sincerely honest, yet hardly understanding, faces will be mirrors and in the mirror you will see Anguish. If you call for a friend, she will hug you, but then the second day you’ll wake up and the taste of blood would still be in your mouth, you run back to your friend and suddenly Anguish will grab your throat whispering in your ear that you are nothing but an annoying loser.

Anguish has a lover and that lover’s name is Tears. Anguish and Tears are soul mates; their love is a constant battle field where they satisfy their thirst with each other’s blood. Tears will make love to your soul, cuddle you and keep you warm. But then when the warmth is so delicious Tears will look around for Tears’ lover, then Tears will run after Anguish and they will renew their love over your body.
Bruised and hurt you will search for Happiness but Happiness is a player, Happiness will always be close enough for you to hope but never too close for you might capture Happiness. You see Happiness is like a nymph, Happiness likes to laugh and dance and you can never dance as fast as Happiness or laugh as hard. Happiness knows that and will never let you tie her up.

And whatever you do, do not run after Hope! Hope is the most vicious of all. Hope’s lover is deception. Hope would do anything to please Deception. So whatever you do, don’t get anywhere near Hope!

In the end when all has failed Pazuzu, when she sat silently on the cold marble of her pedestal, she looked down at the world and a warm air caressed her scales and for a moment she knew what it was like to be human, how the soft skin of humans felt when the air gently warmed it. And it felt good.

She waved her hand for Lover, Lover was snuggled in the arms of Enemy. But Pazuzu screamed to her anyway, she yelled:

C’est vraiment bizarre comment tout d’un coup je ne t’aime plus, mais si en ce moment tu me regarde d'un œil tendre, le BonDieu dans toute sa gloire ne saurait que serait ma réponse.

Lover didn’t hear a word Pazuzu said, so Pazuzu went on :

Tu sais, la liberté … c’est une illusion… tu vois, les chaînes qui m’étranglent le sont aussi. Même la douceur de tes mains me dérange désormais, même l’odeur de ta peau ne me séduit plus… Enfin, je t’aime tu vois… Mais je t’oublierais tu le sais bien. Non tu ne le sais pas, car je ne t’oublierais jamais, à jamais je chanterais mais ça ne me ridiculiserait pas car personne ne le saurais, je chanterais si bas que moi-même je n’entendrais pas ma propre voix. Mais tu sais ce qui serait très sympa ? si tu cessais d’exister… créature du vent et du sable, je ne suis qu’une pauvre montagne arrête de m’éroder, disparais ! tes caresses me font mal…

The wind finally ceased and Pazuzu spread her wings and flew away, to where there is nothing but Silence. Silence is scary, she’s a black widow that ingests her venom without a scar. Captivated by her deep black eyes you will stare into her eyes helplessly as she drains your internal organs liquefied by her invisible venom.
So it took Pazuzu great courage to break free. But freedom is an illusion and finally, Pazuzu gave in and fell to the floor. Remorse detected her scent and came to scavenge on her decaying soul. Remorse has long teeth and they hurt like hell. Remorse felt sorry when it hurt the painful moans of Pazuzu and just left her there to die so it can peacefully eat.

In deep sleep Pazuzu felt her muscles relax for the first time… and it felt good. Darkness reigned inside her closed eyes and she cherished the beautiful feeling of surrender.

Then morning came and gave Pazuzu another chance. Now she remembers nothing of her past, so when you meet her, make sure you never tell her about Lover, the mere mention of her name will unleash all the memories and bring back all the feelings that tormented her soul… let that be our secret!