Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Updating (N.B.: this was supposed to be posted on friday but my connection is not cooperating)

So it has been more than a week since my last update, I think it’s because of the exams, studying didn’t exactly take all that much of my time, but the stress was lethal, I think I have been able to really study for the first time! Like REALLY study. Well at least for the physiology exam I had on the 27th, and to make a long story short there were a few points that really made the difference:

  1. I was convinced of my ability to do well on this exam, confident with my knowledge in this field

  2. I was aware and convinced that I needed to study for this in order to show the best out of my knowledge, because knowing a whole process and forgetting the names of the different components is useless

  3. The Teacher is by all means: excellent!. With her you feel that you understand and you feel motivated to show how much you know, because you know that extra effort is noticed and rewarded, she knows most of us by name (at least she knows my name). I felt that I wanted to do well to impress her… Hope I did!

  4. I had no real distractions, I was no longer trying to seek his attention, my brother’s school ended early and without exams so I had all the time to prepare for my exams, the internet addiction was surprisingly as bad as I had thought, I mean I always knew that my addictive personality was the real problem not the internet itself, but I had never assumed that – given the right circumstances and motives – I would prefer studying on chatting/blogging/reading

  5. I was selfish, I thought selfishly, I acted selfishly, at least toward my extended circle of friends, during the last 3 to 4 weeks I have called none of my friends and didn’t even justify that absence to them when they called. Not that I am punishing them, it wasn’t even intentional! But you see, a few weeks ago I came to the conclusion that I am still not satisfied with my circle of close friends (except for very few who have proven to be great friends that I am proud of). I don’t feel that the attention I give to my friends is reciprocated, I do feel loved, but not really appreciated, I know it sounds silly or like something a teenager would say but think of it this way: I called them, they rarely called back, if they do they call to say “hey I have no units in my cell phone can you please call me”; I took the extra effort to detect every sign showing a bad mood, when they didn’t seem fine I’d try to talk to them about it and stuff, it’s not always that simple because if I am mistaking and they are feeling fine I’d risk looking ridiculous, but then again when someone needs your help you should provide it. However that effort was never done with me, most of my friends would just tell me I am being silly if I ever confide to them with my problems… SO why should I keep on making that extra effort? Some of them are now blaming me for changing!

So as a conclusion I ended up doing well on my exams, I am optimistic. Then two days later we had another exam and I had to work on my memoire none went that well… but I don’t feel like talking about those and finally I have my final exam on Wednesday, then the defense on my memoire on the 10th, after that I celebrate the end of the academic year with my old friends on the 12th (that’s the date of their defense) … And then I study for the exams I had failed (5 in total) then when I do finish all that…euh… nothing, that’s as far as my actual plans go, after that I have a myriad of plans that none seems achievable unfortunately. Let’s just focus on today, can we?


NOMAD said...

well, I suppose your friends who can't understand that you had your mind somewhere else, are just good comrades, and the real friends, you count them on one hand, whenevever, you come, could be years later, they immediatly are on the subject, no need to talk !

eheh, it's reconfortful to know that someone is worrying for you, but mostly people don't show their feelings, it's so, some kind of cats !

Chris in MB said...

"However that effort was never done with me, most of my friends would just tell me I am being silly if I ever confide to them with my problems…"

hmmm, is that so X-(

programmer craig said...

Glad you are getting squared away with your studying and so forth, Pazuzu.

Do you really have an addictive personality? I kind of do as well, that's why I think do so well as a computer programmer. I'd bet just about all of the truly good computer programmers are compulsive about their work. How else can you concentrate on something for 12 or 14 hours a day during crunch time, and solve programming problems in your dreams? Impossible. It'd be a lot better if I could change my personality, but that's not really possible, so the next best thing is to take advantage of it, as if it's an asset. Right? :)

So, now you just have to get addicted to studying :P

Severian said...

I just love Pazuzu :-D!

Bedouin said...

great news about the exam! hope you ace them all

friends suck! :P let's just be our old misanthrope selves, shall we?