Thursday, June 14, 2007

It’s time for some personal gossip!

Well I am sure all of you people have been wondering where have I been all this time and why haven’t updated in ages… Well I don’t really feel like sharing much details but I will tell that effectively what was consuming most of my time was my activity in a Lebanese public forum: One Lebanon. It was a wonderful experience, especially that it had put me in contact with a lot of interesting Lebanese people that I didn’t know existed in the Middle East, I even managed to become a Moderator there in a very short period, but it’s time I move on with something else.

Another important twist in my life was the fact that my mom went to the hospital recently, she gave me one of those terrors! The worst thing ever is that, the hospital being very close to my home, I arrived first to the hospital and there were no one else from the family with me. None of the staff told me anything about my mom and I spend a frightening hour in total ignorance, now a friend was there with me but I needed to know what was wrong with my mother and no one would tell me, I was certain that my mom was dead and no one wanted to tell me. What made things worse was the fat that when my dad arrived (along with my uncle) a doctor talked to them! Like what the fuck?! I am a 22 years old person I can handle anything they could have said, and there were nothing to say anyway! Why didn’t she talk to me, leaving me for a whole hour mentally preparing myself to my mother’s funeral! Now of course the main thing is that my mom turned out to be fine, probably a minor intoxication (my mom does have a history of extra fragile digestive system) but she had to spend 24h in the Intensive Care Unit. When I first went in to see her she was so volatile, aggressive and disturbed, she seemed like someone had given her some sort of drug or something. But after all she lost her consciousness for more than an hour! I can imagine that the hormones and substances that her body released to save her are more than enough to make her very very stressed. She was blabbering about how the nurses were mean, doctors were neglectful (actually I did agree on these two points), she insisted she wanted to leave immediately insisting only she knows what best for her (yes she wasn’t making sense) then she almost burst in tears as she complained on how much 24h in the Intensive Care Unit would cost (actually it cost us nothing cause she had insurance and everything and even if it cost a fortune we couldn’t care less) she even tried to remove the oxygen tube from her nose, she begged me to help her get dressed and leave… My God! I have never seen my mom like this, in the evening when we went back to visit her she was much more “normal”. She was fine and went to work in a couple of days.

What else can I tell you about my life? Oh did I mention that in the previous semester I failed 3 out of 3 exams I had? Which raised the number of exams I had for the summer to 5 exams… So no summer work for me! Fuck it I don’t care (yeah RIGHT!)

Ok Ok enough bad news want to hear awesome news? Well do you people remember the depressive phase I talked so much about? Well almost a month a ago I snapped out of it! I just woke up one day and felt happy! It’s over. I am no longer depressed and now more than ever I can say: it was not my fault, it was my chemistry, I just couldn’t feel happy no matter what I do and no matter what happens, though things have been worse than before (more stress more drama…) I feel…



programmer craig said...

Thanks for sharing! (sorry, I always wanted to say that, couldn't resist)

That's an interesting forum. I don't read forums much anymore, but after checking that one out, I'm thinking maybe I should start again. Discussions on forums are usually a lot less focussed than blogs, but there are a lot more participants. Maybe someday, a medium will be invented the combines the best of both, somehow.

Glad you're doing better! Did you meet somebody?

PS-Your Mom sounds a little like me. I absolutely hate going to the doctor, and hospitals give me anxiety attacks. Well, not that bad, but I do get all nervous-y whenever I think I may have a health issue. When i get older, I'm going to have to start worrying about that, because it's not good to ignore warning signs just because of fear of hearing bad news.

programmer craig said...

PPS-does this mean you are going to change your "About Me" in the profile? :P

shlemazl said...

You failed 3 out of 3? Well that's consistent performance. That's all because you did not have me saying "good luck". So, "good luck".

Pazuzu said...

>Thanks for sharing! (sorry, I always wanted to say that, couldn't resist)

Yes that did sound weird:P

BTW I think my mom was just looking for something to blame for her discomfort she doesnt usually have a problem with doctors lol, that's my dad's specialty

I'm a masterpiece of failure ! haven't you noticed yet?

programmer craig said...

How can somebody as smart as you fail exams? Were you going to class? I used to have trouble when I had more classes than I could handle. I'd try to pass them even when I was only attending... sporadically. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't :(

Pazuzu said...

I am a bad student as simple as that, Craig, i am not as bright as one might think. I don't study so I don't make it through, the fact that the system of our college is a little fucked up haha.

programmer craig said...

You shouldn't run yourself down like that, Pazuzu. After I got out of the Marines I struggled a lot when I went to college... I was working full time which was a problem, but mostly it was that I had a lot of other things on my mind. I ended up dropping out, and I probably should have waited until I had my personal life sorted out before I enrolled. I never considered my difficulties were because I wasn't smart enough, though! And I don't think that's what is going on with you, either. I can spot somebody with high intelligence well enough, and that's you... whether you want to acknowledge it or not :P

Pazuzu said...

well... here's the thing craig, I am not working and I am doing nothing with my life, I just get distracted very easily, it runs in the family :P

Liev said...

Ah, all that is misleading. Pazuzu is smart and does study, she just studies the wrong things. Gets obsessed with one small aspect of her subject or drifts into Persian mythology or something. I also suspect there is chronic test anxiety. Doesn't matter. As I always say, just graduate. Once you are working, providing service to society your skills become important and your grades won't matter.