Monday, February 26, 2007

Where do I begin...

So I got my Internet access back and I managed to do so without any increase of my income. So yes it’s good news! But it didn’t come that cheap I had to sacrifice 2 out of 4 magazines I used to buy.

So I had forgotten how much I had loved blogging, till I actually revisited some of my old entries and I can’t help but to feel a warm feeling. Not just because of all the good times I had and all the cool people I met, but also because I remembered how appeasing writing was for me, I had forgotten for a while that this blog is the place where I can actually relax and say to myself: this is MY place and I do with it whatever I want.

So I can once more write whatever I want however I want and no one can stop me and above all some people might actually like it. But what would I write? You see there’s this thing about my reading myself… I don’t recognize myself in what I write. I admire the woman that writes these things, but can she really be me? Wow it certainly doesn’t feel like I did all that, no wonder I loved it so much. But what can I write about now? How can I ever match what I have written in the past?

Well, I guess I will need a lot of time to catch up. Not to mention that I am in the midst of my exams right now, so I might not be as active as I ought to. So be patient. Let me start with a round up of all the things that happened in the past few months:

  1. Christmas

  2. New year

  3. I turned 22 and I feel so fucking old!

  4. I have reached out to the sun, I touched it, burnt my fingers and my heart and then fell on my ass and it hurts a lot (don’t ask)

  5. I am in my final year as a biologist, not sure where to go from there

  6. I regained my faith in the male species and in the Lebanese species… maybe

  7. I have cut my hair short and accepted my freakiness with a broken spirit


In fact this has been a difficult and confusing time for me where I have felt alienated and lonely in the midst of a great crowd of friends. I can’t really explain it, but I feel, now more than ever, convinced and in peace with my choices, but I feel misunderstood and I feel a great space between what others might see and what I see. Example? I feel now prettier than ever (yes boyish is pretty for me) and now I realize that this is social ugliness! And people’s opinion matters.

This is so odd, I really wanted to make a round up of my life, but nothing comes out!

Anyway I should start posting tomorrow nshalla

5 comments:

Chris in MB said...

"… I don’t recognize myself in what I write."
"How can I ever match what I have written in the past? "

LOL, yes I think I understand that, I know the feeling! It will come back to you!

"I turned 22 and I feel so fucking old!"
Oh come on... shut up! Really now, I shouldn't even dignify that silly statement with a response! :P

"I regained my faith in the male species"
Hey does that include me?!? :)

shlemazl said...

"I have reached out to the sun, I touched it, burnt my fingers and my heart and then fell on my ass and it hurts a lot (don’t ask)

At last! It's better to jump and fall on your ass and hurt than to have nothing to remember, don't you think?

Pazuzu said...

chris:
"Hey does that include me?!? :)"

DUH!!! :P

shelmazl:
I'll answer that question when I will feel better about myself

Jos said...

I missed your posts so bad! Can I say welcome back? LOL..

Pazuzu said...

lol yes I ALLOW you to say: welcome back