Three major events marked my day:
- My brother slept on my arm all night and then in the morning he was whining about something I don’t remember what, but the point is I didn’t sleep well.
- I discovered at lunch that the book I had borrowed from the library caught some humidity and is partially ruined now.
- I got yelled at in college for leaving the lab without cleaning the table, and you know what? There are only three tables in that lab and 25 students, and when I was leaving there were 4 students left! But no I get yelled at, it’s really my fault because I usually help everyone packing and cleaning which means that they will always leave these shit behind them because they know Becca will clean up after them.
In brief my day was relatively “not as good as it could have been”.
To be perfectly honest, what’s really nagging me is the book issue, I haven’t returned it yet to the library, and I know that the worse thing that can happen is that I’ll have to pay some amount of money for the damage, but I don’t know it’s driving me crazy.
Maybe if I had handed it back then discovered the damage I wouldn’t have felt so bad. Most of the time, anticipating is worse than suffering. When you screw up, you feel terrible, you go numb and silent you can’t get your mind away from your failure, you keep on thinking about what you could have done to avoid this. But when you realize you are heading to an inevitable failure, it’s even worse. Not only you feel sad, numb, silent and you can’t stop thinking about what you could have done to avoid this, but you also can’t stop thinking about what you still can do to avoid the inevitable consequences, and each time you think about that you are doomed to realize (over and over again) that there isn’t anything you can do. It’s like suicide, so painful but you can see no solution.