Thursday, April 09, 2009

let's talk about the life of the pseudo-alcoholic that I am

So I went to work today, I couldn't really wake up on time, but it's ok. There were no electricity. And the boss was slightly unhappy about that (not that she nagged or made my life impossible or anything) it's just this feeling that if I don't help the intern fix things no one else will. And I am getting a bit too tired of it.
Anyway, I tried to help on some things and everything before leaving (I was informed a few minutes ago that we finally have electricity, but that's not the issue that prompted me to write right now). You see there is this friend, that I honestly consider a brother of mine, non really I do. When he knew that I went to a cafe to work and ended up getting drunk his reaction was to just say: "I dont want to have anything to do with this" and stopped talking. Not that I tried to keep on talking to him and he didn't rely, Pierre was a a good lesson to me a couple of years ago and he taught me to control myself much better.
It's just that my drinking problems and my depressive moments have been such a problem for me with my friends. And to be honest, I don't blame my problems that much. I mean I don't fail my friends because I am depressed and I haven't really done something so horribly bad just because I am drunk. I drink alone and I cry alone.
What is it with people simply giving me attitude because I deal with my problems in such a destructive way? I am sure I was there for you guys when you were down and you did stupid things, why can't you just do the same for me when I am down and stupid? Or am I just the disposable friend that fills in the gaps that your partners and other friends fill?

And no I don't expect them to answer these questions. I don't even know how to answer these questions myself. I don't know, it shouldn't matter, the time I spend with my friends should be a good time, where we laugh and enjoy our time... or something like that

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