Tuesday, March 13, 2007


Ok so this guy’s asking for counseling or something….

TWO years ago, I had an affair with another woman. We were found out when someone saw us together and told my wife.
My wife agreed to forgive me and I tried really hard to make things work. Then she went away to Spain with her sister, who was getting married.
She sent me a photo on her phone of her having sex with another man. When she got back, she said we were quits and now I know what she felt like.
I know she forgave me but I just can't get over this. I hate her.

Now the person who answered him advised him to see the lawyer and stuff but that’s not what caught my attention. It’s the guy’s situation that interested me. I mean yes, in an ideal world, a guy wouldn’t cheat on his wife in the first place, but shit happens and that’s no excuse that’s a statement. On the other hand, his wife did it on purpose right? But she had also chosen to forgive him in the first place… she didn’t have to. And besides, notice the guy’s attitude, he apparently knows his wife deserves credit for accepting to try and make it work again. And besides, unlike what most people think, revenge is sometimes the only option we have to get over our feeling of helplessness. I don’t know. I mean if this woman really wanted to make it work, why did she do this? To get even? You don’t get even with people you want to share your life with. If she wanted revenge (and frankly I think it wasn’t such a bad idea, since the guy now knows what it feels like) then maybe it’s better for her to dump him.

I just don’t know, I hope I’d never have to be in this woman’s shoes.


Chris in MB said...

She obviously never did forgive him!

Sending a photo like that is a little extreme! That was nothing more than premeditated cruelty, simply unnecessary, in many ways worse than his original actions/crime. Sounds like she had quite an elaborate little plot in the works the whole time.

NOMAD said...

hehe, I would have left him witn a banana on the table ; I did once to a guy :lol:

shlemazl said...

Photo? Who took it?

You gotta give it to the girl: she's got imagination.

This could make a good story if it were written up properly.

Pazuzu said...

Chris: Obviously she didn't, but then again we do have a saying here that says: If they weren't the same they wouldn't be together, and the thing is, treason is treason, there's no "oops that was unintentional" or something, it hurts the same. And the guy said: "now I know how it feels" only now he realised how it felt, so maybe the stunt did the trick, the marriage is obviously ruined but at least she took her revenge. I'd never do it, but it's intriguing to come up with a judgment on such a dilemma.

Banana? now that's an idea!

I know one thing for sure, it wasn't me who took it :P.

ezou said...

ok ok, i liked her reaction so cool, but who was she punishing him or herself, well if she loves him it would be incredibly hard to sleep with another one.
anyway, do you have her phone number.

bsharp said...

I think this story illustrates two kinds of sin: crimes against God and crimes against humanity.

God's laws are almost always behaviorally oriented. He judges you by what you do (like adultery or worshipping other Gods) more than by harm done or intention.

Crimes against humanity tend to be judged more by who was hurt, how much they were hurt and how much intention or negligence was involved.

They both committed the major sin against God of adultery. She also committed the minor sin of distributing pornography (lol).

His sins against humanity were to be selfish and inconsiderate and to spew lies throughout the course of the affair (which she probably suspected).

Her sin against humanity was also to be selfish and inconsiderate. We can't fault her for lying as he did but we can fault her for deliberately causing pain and for providing a painful visual image which will be much more difficult for him to forget than her vague feeling of betrayal. On the other hand she seemed to have no trouble remembering her pain two years later.

Does our own pain justify wreaking the same or worse pain on the one who hurt us? If we don't seek revenge are we then forced to suffer and torture ourselves? Does revenge work to relieve our pain or does it just double the amount of pain in the world?