Einmal ist Keinmal

26 September 1978:

28 years ago, my mom was 16 and she had a brother, actually she had many brothers and he was one of them, he was 17 and a half.

The war was at its peak, at that time there were no Hezbollah, there were no Shiite issue.

There were just my mother, and for her there were a brother. She often told me about him, for as far as I can remember there were always Khalo Michel who died. She often told me about him, and I always cared to know. Most of the times she told me about how he used to beg her to take his school bag with her home from school, because he wanted to go to the town; how he tought her not to be scared of the dark; why her parents wouldn’t let her go to the parties (people get drunk and do bad things). She told me about the happy days, happy days? Well, she also told me about him standing for her when her dad wanted to beat her and getting all the terrible beating himself, I don’t exactly classify those as happy days.

And when I grew up she told me about that day 28 years ago. He was 17. He was recruited by the Kata’eb as all the Christian youth in town, but he wasn’t part of the troops trained to fight on the front, he was just too young. He was just trained to load a gun and shoot at the enemy when the enemy would arrive to town.

Those were difficult days, the Syrians had broken the northern borders of the Christian areas, and the region was defensless. One by one, towns fell, my mom’s town was next. They gathered the soldiers, the most experienced were put in front, my mom’s family already had two sons fighting on distant fronts (one of them had been reported missing for a few days now). There fore the family only had 3 sons left, the eldest was married with two kids, the second was only 17 and the last was only 8! Who would the local direction possibly choose to sacrifice? Well the eldest of course.

But Khalo Michel had another word about it, he went himself, and his youngest brother and sisters was there, they were silent but they knew what everything was meant to happen, the Syrian Monsters were there, and they were given the right to save only one of there brothers. They just watched silently the two brothers argue about who would go (die).

- You’re just a kid you can’t go.
- You’re a Father, YOU can’t go.
- You can’t help them, you don’t know much about these things.

So Michel takes his dagger and ruins his brother’s belt.

- There you are! Now YOU are useless to them, go home, I can take care of this.

And so he left. And his brother went home to his family to prepare for the worse. And everyone waited, there were distant sounds of fire, nothing new about that. But they all knew this was more critical than ever.

In the evening, her brother came home, he asked my mom to give him some underwear to change his own, so she did. She asked nothing, he said nothing. He went after that. She cried, her younger sister cried, her youngest brother cried. They just sat listenning to another session of fire.

Then something happened, the sounds were closer, my grandparents came home (they had been trying all day to get some news about there missing son). There were no news about the missing son, there were just one news, we have to go, no we have to RUN. Sounds were very close now, so they all ran, like terrified animals, they just ran, cutting through valleys and mountains, roads were way too risky. So they kept running. And Michel? Well he was still defending his village, they were outnumbered and they knew it, but they wanted to win time for their families to run. And their families ran. No one was crying, they were just walking almost as if they are going for a picnic. And my mom asked nothing, she just left her Michel were he was, who knows maybe he’ll follow them.

He never followed them. He just never left his post, of course he died, what did you expect? That’s what you pay to buy your family some time to run away.

People of my mom’s town tell a story reporting it from the Syrian army in town, they tell about a Lebanese soldier defending the town, he was shining with a weird light, they shot him repeatidly but he remained standing so they shot him with some heavy artillary until he died… And the guardian angel of the town fell, and the town fell.

The families of all of that day’s Martyrs, whisper that maybe the angel was their son. My family’s no exception. Another family myth talks about a beautiful, rare flower growing only at the exact spot where my uncle died. You see, the bodies of all the soldiers were never recovered, they just stayed there, in that valley that no one really goes to visit, no parents were allowed to recover their child’s body. One of my mom’s aunts begged the Syrians to get the authorisation to just check the bodies in order to recognise the body of her husband. She also checked all the bodies that she was able to recognise. My mom was asked about what was Michel wearing that day, the bodies had been decaying for many days, identifying the faces was difficult, she told them about the beige shirt, the dark green socks and the necklace with the face of Virgin Mary on it.

Bingo

He was one of the bodies getting cooked under the notorious Lebanese Sun! Between dozens of other lucky men simply lying there. She removed his necklace and took it back to his family, as proof, as “trophy”…

And so the story of Khalo Michel ends, he was a good man, or at least a good teenager. Were he to be alive now he would have been 45 by now, he would have married some nice woman, had some kids. But he didn’t, he just died. Plain and simple. Call him martyr, victim or anything else he just died, and my mom had no one left to defend her against her dad.

I wonder if he worries about her now?
Would he care to know the hell she went through after his death?
Would he care to know she grew up to be the best mom she could be?
Would he care to know his youngest brother lost his hair from the stress, and yet never complained?
Would he care to know how much did his death change his father and softened his heart?
Would he cared to know that the compensation for his death paid the expenses of his mother’s operation 20 years after his death?
Would he care to know that his mom’s slowly dying now?
Would he care to know his sister still cries for his death today?
Would he care to know that Lebanon’s still here, breading more martyrs?
Would he care to know that he now has 18 nephews and nieces (and still counting)?
Would he care to know that 2 of them carry his name?
Would he care to know that this miserable niece lost belief in Lebanon because Lebanon killed you?

I just wonder. But you know, he probably thinks of nothing now. Didn’t Jesus tell us that in heaven people think of nothing that’s from this world? I guess he is comfortable now, just swimming in heaven.

I just wish I could have met him. As I see his pictures I wonder who he really was, I wonder if I would have loved him then as much as I do now. From his pictures he seems to be a serious person, probably shy. The stories I hear about him portray him as both rebelious and responsible, almost perfect, right? Was he like that? I will never know, he died, this is the most tragic thing about life, when we die we just die, no second chance, no reset button. Just tears and pain. My mom tells me about the first time she met her other brother in hospital, who was missing the time when Michel died, he said:

“Michel had a pure soul, that’s how he died so fast. God still hasn’t forgiven me for what I have done in my life, that’s why I almost died three times already and yet survived. God wants me to pay back before he lets me die.”

Needless to say that tears were shed that day, but what are tears in war, daily bread? The best cure? Our only power.

It’s ironic how people die so easily and forgetting them turns out to be so difficult.

What hurts the most is the lack of closer, his body was never recovered of course (the people only went back to the town long after the Ta’ef agreement), now my grandparents are fully aware of their son’s death, they saw the necklace! But still, a couple of months ago, when the issue of the Lebanese prisoners in Syria was being discussed, my grandmother said:

“Who knows, maybe they have Michel with them…”

My grandfather nodded. They still want to hope and we couldn’t say anything, what can you say to a mother in her final years, after all this pain. Why do things have to be so difficult?

I have to admit that it is becoming harder and harder to understand or make a prediction of what the situation will be tomorrow.

Every day, politicians, religious leaders and simple people are appearing on TVs and newspapers denouncing Hezbollah and its policy in Lebanon. And I am not just talking about the Druze and Christian voices, on Saturday a Shiite Mufti, Ali Amine, was talking on LBC and he publicly denounced Hezbollah’s ways. Not just that, he also talked about Amal, the other Political party representing the Shiia in Lebanon, on the subject of Amal, he accused them of quitting on the “Moussa Ssadr project”, that project being to provide dignity to the Shiia population in Lebanon. He also refused the winning proclamations of Hezbollah, saying “We left [our homes] holding white flags and then came back raising our fingers in victory”. This same person had declared before, in an interview with the newspaper An-Nahar, he said “we refuse to accuse of treason anyone that demands the disarmament of Hezbollah”.

Of course this man’s words are particularly important because they come from a Shiite figure. He seemed very reasonable and talked in a very rational way. I enjoyed hearing him talk like this on TV. Especially that he preached a less radical Shiism, simply saying that Hezbollah and Amal are not representative of the Shiite public opinion.

But! But, the situation is not really changing, ever since the cease-fire the question of Hezbollah’s armament’s not moving. I am worried that the political Leaders are not insisting on this subject. They should insist, things should be clear once and for all.

The main problem is that the only faction that could make the difference right now is the Sunna. The Druze for example are simply too small, the Christians are traditionally against Hezbollah and Amal, there is little or no connection relating the Christians to the Shiia, except Aoun, and to be honest Aoun is not helping at all in disarming Hezbollah.

The Sunna, on the other hand are historically close to the Shiia (at least in Lebanon), after all they both took the side of the national (Muslim) front along with the Palestinians and the Druze. On the other hand they are now closer to the Christians since the cedar revolution. So the Sunna are the only ones to be capable of any change.

I suppose that the Sunna leaders are concerned they might lose the partial support of the Shiia population if they put too much pressure on Hezbollah. In addition, the Sunna particularly feel their privileged position, as a link between the Lebanese Islam and the Lebanese Christianity, they see this position threatened by Aoun’s Pro-Hezbollah, even though Aoun’s position is not representative of the Christian public opinion, his (rather personal) support to Hezbollah is creating a certain belief among the Shiia that they don’t need to go through the Sunna in order to achieve an alliance that’s not strictly Shiia.

On the other hand I suppose that some still believe that Aoun’s unilateral agreement with Hezbollah was in fact a very wise decision, saying that the political isolation of Hezbollah is a major mistake, recalling the example of the Christian situation before the civil war. The isolation of the Christians was believed to be one of the reasons behind the civil war (yes, it always goes back to that bloody civil war in Lebanon, who can blame us for that?).

However, the situation in Lebanon today is very different from the situation before the civil war. In fact, the concerns about any renewal of any internal military conflict seem exaggerated. In the civil war it was pretty different, nowadays the Lebanese people’s simply too damn sick of any sort of conflict and war. The only party escalating and arming is Hezbollah, before the civil war almost no one was even thinking about peace, every one believed that war was coming, that none can stop it, that the only choice is to fight or die. The difference is huge.

And even if the war will not take place, Hezbollah was never and will never be “isolated”, talks with Hezbollah never stopped, even at the heat of the cedar revolution. No one took any position to cancel Hezbollah from the political panorama. In fact it was Hezbollah that was, and still is, “creating” this feeling of isolation. But you see, as everybody knows, Hezbollah’s loses most, if not all, its influence on the Shiite street. Hezbollah rules with the power of ignorance and fear. But of course, Hezbollah can’t possibly say “I need to keep my weapons because if I lose it I will no longer exist”. So they need to preserve an excuse (Israel) to face the Other Lebanese, but most importantly, Hezbollah needs to keep the Shiia convinced that the current (not excessively Pro-Syrian) government threatens the Shiia rights.

So no matter what anything anyone does, Hezbollah needs to say that the Shiia are threatened. Because, as Mufti Ali Amine said, Hezbollah and Amal are not representing the public opinion of the Shiia, what the Shiia really want is dignifying life, they don’t want war…

First of all I apologise for my weird post last week, it was inappropriate but I had my reasons. Anyway, I am not feeling much better even now. I had no spirit to write anything, but I liked Shlemazl’s tag and there fore enjoyed answering it.

I didn’t write anything about my week in the North (at the start of the war), in fact I get the feeling that my emotional situation is a little like the “pseudo-cease fire” in Lebanon. It’s not exactly a “war” and it’s not exactly a “cease fire”, part of us is waiting for an escalation and another part is hoping that the war will faint away and disappear somehow. But we are hoping.

I only had the spirit to write small posts, but you know, I am an over developed teenager with some sort of hormones problem. I did however managed to write about how Aoun's recent silence, about the division in my country and statistic interest in politics in Lebanon

I didn't write about myself and didn't post last week's post, I also didn't post the Lebanese parties' entry, it needs some fixing. By the way, my posting might become a little lighter in the next month, my second session exam starts on August the 31st and I am not even half ready, I am really not feeling good about this!

First of all I apologise for my weird post last week, it was inappropriate but I had my reasons. Anyway, I am not feeling much better even now. I had no spirit to write anything, but I liked Shlemazl’s tag and there fore enjoyed answering it.

I didn’t write anything about my week in the North (at the start of the war), in fact I get the feeling that my emotional situation is a little like the “pseudo-cease fire” in Lebanon. It’s not exactly a “war” and it’s not exactly a “cease fire”, part of us is waiting for an escalation and another part is hoping that the war will faint away and disappear somehow. But we are hoping.

I only had the spirit to write small posts, but you know, I am an over developed teenager with some sort of hormones problem. I did however managed to write about how Aoun's recent silence, about the division in my country and statistic interest in politics in Lebanon

I didn't write about myself and didn't post last week's post, I also didn't post the Lebanese parties' entry, it needs some fixing. By the way, my posting might become a little lighter in the next month, my second session exam starts on August the 31st and I am not even half ready, I am really not feeling good about this!

During this war, I exchanged many emails with many people from different places, the most interested in the political side was naturally a Jewish American. At many points, many of them, concluded that it’s simply so difficult to live in such a divided country.

I mean, yes I understand why they might say so. But in fact, I don’t find Lebanon to be THAT divided, as if Lebanon’s an artificial country. Maybe that results of my subjectivity, but I simply find Lebanon so Lebanese, even though I am deeply pessimistic about the future of my home, I am convinced that Lebanon was not simply an aberration of history, a regretful mistake.

Well, I suppose it’s absurd to talk like this since I wouldn’t be here if I had half a chance to leave. But this is how I feel, it’s the stupid patriotism, but I am simply stupid. Somehow, each person in Lebanon is very unique, very Lebanised. Take Hezbollah for example, they wear like Iranians, they’d prefer cooperate with Hezbollah than with any Lebanese, but Hezbollah’s no one in fact, Hezbollah’s a political party no more no less. Well, in fact it’s a little less than that. Hezbollah’s taking advantage of many factors, but he is not the core of Shiia. In that sense Amal is closer to the spirit of Shiia than Hezbollah. Tomorrow things will clear, and tomorrow people will see, Shiia are just simple people, and just like simple people they just want to live and to provide the best for their children.

And the Shiia in Lebanon are not the Shiia of Iran, they are Lebanese, they just don’t understand that Hezbollah and Iran doesn’t love them any better than we do. Didn’t we all cry to see the victims die? Regardless of the victims’ sect. Sure we did.

I wonder how tomorrow’s Lebanon will be? I know for a fact that sooner or later Christians will drop to the level of “memory”. I know that, but I wonder if I will live to see the Christian Lebanese a meaningless minority. After all the reflections about this subject, I don’t think it bothers me all that much, in fact I think that’s the natural way it should happen, times change, but I worry about those who will be born at those times.

There were gathering statistics all over Lebanon. The situation was the same before but they used to ask us about shampoo and cosmetics, then after the 2005 revolution they started asking us about the journals that we read, how often, and why do we like them? Now they ask us about the most prominent parties (each in his own sect), they ask us about what we know about their idols, how loyal they are to their principles, who’s more representative of MY opinion?

Evolution!

I think the politicians are trying to check the public opinion to rearrange their political position. After the Tsunami (that’s the name that Aoun was given when the Tayyar showed so much effectiveness in the political elections in 2005) everybody was actually shocked! Well I don’t think even Aoun expected so much. This is why Aoun is desperately trying to make some early elections.

But now the tides have changed, Aoun has turned against almost everything he had taken as principles, but on the other hand he has gained a heavy Shiite support. Now usually the heaviest in the elections are the Sunna and the Shiia, the Christians are no longer as strong as before, and besides, the election divisions was made at a time where the Christians were excluded from the Lebanese politics, and their votes are often eclipsed by the Non-Christian votes.

So Aoun has lost on the Christian front and gained on the Shiia front. So it’s crucial to know how much change has occurred on each side, since the Sunna haven’t really changed.

But it’s also extremely important to know what the changes are on the Christian side because the Christians are still the major economic motor, they hold the capitals, they have a lot of well established immigrants all around the world, in addition to the Christian sympathy that they have, all these factors provide the Christians an international political and economic weight. And Christians leave very easily, so they can easily go live outside and take their knowledge and capitals.

In brief, even though the Shiia form alone 50% of the Lebanese population, the Christians still have tremendous importance in politics.

The reason I get to notice these changes right so easily is that I simply live in Jounieh and in this area there is no clear political face, the Tayyar is most popular (I think), but there are representatives of all the Lebanese Christians parties, and we also have many Muslims. And a certain population of non Lebanese. So it’s crucial for the politicians to know what the changes around here.

Michel Aoun’s not talking as much as he used before. Even though he is still defending his memorandum with Hezbollah and defending Hezbollah itself, but not as furiously as before. A couple of months before, it was difficult to get all the Tayyar members of the screen, they were yelling and colouring all the stations with their famous orange. They used to mock the ‘ouwet (the LF) for being too silent, almost neutral and only attacking the Lebanese president. Now they are much more silent, they are only accepting invitations from NBN and New TV (they sympathise with Hezbollah). Michel Aoun did an interview on LBC, personally I wish he hadn’t! It was a terrible attempt to justify his stupid previous positions with new stupid arguments. Aoun did not criticise Hezbollah and the only solution he sees to any problem, going from the Israel v/s Hezbollah war, to the lack of tissue papers in public toilets, all these problems have only one solution: the government’s demission. Now he is almost silent.

He is either preparing something in secret (that certainly sound unlikely but it’s possible, I am looking forward to the day when Aoun would come up with an awesome surprise that saves Lebanon, but he’s too damn predictable). On the other hand he might simply be “seeing” the awful situation Hezbollah has put him in, maybe he is simply “noticing” what an unfaithful ally Hezbollah really is, how much they have taken from him, and how many of his followers he has wounded just to please a Hezbollah that has abused him to the limit.

But to be perfectly honest, I think that even this possibility is unlikely. Simply because of what Aoun has showed throughout his career, he has remained faithful to his “dictatorship” project, he has never admitted a mistake, he has not reconsidered any of his choice. He massed around him the most educated, and frankly, the most motivated of all the Lebanese population, they have given the Tayyar an amazing face of modernity when he was in France, the Tayyar is practically the only party to talk (at least there official goals) about including women more in politics and about civil marriage in Lebanon! This gave him a huge popularity between the young and liberated Lebanese youth, but then when he came back, he managed to mutilate each and every good point that his followers have worked hard to fortify. As a modest feminist I can say I don’t find any feminist in tomorrow’s politics via the Tayyar. Not just that!! He cooperated with Hezbollah?! The most radical of all radicals in Lebanon, thanks a lot I am feeling much better. But Mr. Aoun thought he could tame the beast and get the credit to be the first Maronite to control the Hezbollah, little did he know that this beast simply outsmarts him!

But you know, His Majesty Mr. Le General, is never wrong, GOD can make mistakes but not Aoun. He’s right, but the simple minds simply can’t capture the wisdom of his actions, he is from a far away superior place. So all us underlings trying to think we better stop, because we simply can’t understand him, we should just bow in total obedience.

1. One book that changed your life?
   
   I don’t know, there were many books that slowly changed my life in small fractions; you know what it’s like. But if there is a book that was particularly important in my life, unfortunately it was a book borrowed from my Philosophy teacher when I was 17, it was an Arabic translation of a non-Arabic book and it was titled “how to love myself” (if I am not mistaking); the original writer was a priest. It was important because it took me out of that awful irrational guilt cycle that I was suffering from. And ever since I totally loved the little, adorable, cute Pazuzu.




2. One book you have read more than once?
   
   I have to admit I am not the kind of people that reads anything more than once, I can’t even watch a movie more than once, the first time is good, the second time I can’t help but to criticize and make it look really really stupid! My brother kicks me out of the room when he wants to watch something that I have already seen.
   
   As for books, well when I read a certain book I don’t even open it anymore. It becomes so damn boring! Even when I was so extra religious freak I couldn’t read the new testament of the bible more than once, I was ashamed to admit that it became boring after reading it the first time.
   
3. 
   
   
4. One book you would want on a desert island?
   
   Maybe some book about how to survive on a desert island.
   
   Ok ok, seriously. Don’t make fun of me, but it would be a long and good erotic book, seriously, no matter how long a book would be I’ll eventually finish it, and I’ll probably lose interest in it. But a good erotic book is always recyclable.





5. One book that made you laugh?
   
   
   Hehe… my own writings. You see, when I was a kid (8-9 years old) I used to try to write stuff, and even now when I reopen those books I read it word by word, it’s funny, and my French was disastrous but I am shocked sometimes of the fact that I have written it in all by myself! I was such a freak.
   
   Whenever I read it I can’t stop giggling and laughing, and all the grammatical mistake… Oh God! I was so funny.
   
   I didn’t write anything ever since, except for once when I was 14, and it was part of a school competition. But I burnt that in one of my dark days.





6. One book that made you cry?
   
   Now you are trying so hard to embarrass me. Ok I’ll admit to another secret about me, I am hyper sensitive and I cry a lot when I am reading books, I also cry for more stupid reasons and all that, but the trick is in hiding it. As long as no one sees me crying then it’s safe anyway, the books that I have read and made me cry the most were actually 2 books. And both in Arabic and written by Lebanese writers.
   
   The first was the book was “Akabr” for Mikhael N’aymeh a Lebanese writer who has lived in America for a while (same as almost all the talented Lebanese writers at the dawn of this century. It’s a group of small narrative stories and they denounce the feudal system in the Lebanon of that time. I cried the most while reading the stories that evolved during the First World War effects in Lebanon (by far the greatest humanitarian tragedy that ever took place in my country).
   Akabr is a Lebanese term for the “noble” classes in Lebanon.
   
   The second book was الصبي الأعرج it means the limping boy, the story’s about a handicapped street boy of Beirut, during the story a man teaches this kid how to defend himself and eventually the kid kills the man he was living with by starting a fire in their small cabinet, and when the man wakes up and tries to run, the kid slams the door on the man’s fingers and even bites his fingers so hard that he tasted the blood in his mouth. I don’t remember what happened after that, I didn’t care, what mattered is that he had to kill the guy he was living with in order to have a life, and he had to bite his hand in order to make sure he’d die. Until that point I believed that you can always choose to live without resorting to violence.
   





7. One book you wish had been written?
   
   Ah…. I never thought about this. This is stupid but I wish someone would write a book grouping what every person that ever met me think of me. I always wondered what people think of me, especially the negative things that they think of me. I really wonder what’s the thing that people hate about me?




8. One book you wish had never been written.
   
   Moby Dick! My God how I hate this book. Hate it! Hate it! Hate it! It’s so stupid. Nya’
   
   I apologise in advance to all those that like this movie. Oh and I wouldn’t mind if people would erase the Romeo and Juliet book too.



9. One book you're currently reading.
   
   To be honest I have started many books and haven’t managed to exactly to keep on reading, I am obviously not in the mood for reading, I am reading a small book about dinausors in the Collection: Que sais-je? It’s cute.



10. One book you have been meaning to read.
    
    Les Petits Oiseaux……… Don’t you just Love Anais nin?!





11. Now tag five people.
    I hate tagging people, to be perfectly I feel a burning desire to tag each and every IP address that has ever visited my blog at least once! And maybe some people that don’t even know me. And besides, there are people that stopped updating that I feel that I wish I could tag, but that wouldn’t take us anywhere. So here it is without any more bullshit introductions, here’s the list of five people I hope will accept this invitation:
    
    1. My soup is
    
    
    2. Kareem
    
    
    3. Jokerman
    
    
    4. Maxxed out
    
    
    5. Mando
       
    
    Oh have I ever mentioned how I hate tagging? I just like being tagged.

Peace? Hope so

So today most of the war is over, thanks to an international intervention as always. As always we have watched this cloud pass over our heads, we watched OUR war as if we were watching the news on TV, we wathced and hoped that this country would do something about it, or that the international pressure on Iran would make sure this doesn't happen or that doesn't happen.

Seriously people when was the last time that Lebanon chose anything or did anything? When was the last time that we took a choice?

...Maybe in the cedar revolution... Yes maybe then. Maybe then we stood and said what we wanted we were very clear we said:

- Syria OUT
- Sovereignty liberty independence
- One Army in Lebanon: the Lebanese Army
- Lahood OUT


We said it loud and we said it clear, we said it to all those who cared to hear, and we shouted loud enough for all those who pretend not to care for what we want to say. We said it with roses in our hands to all thos soldiers that chose that day not to attack us, we said it with paper, flags and young people.

That day we were happy. And until the 12th of July I had nothing to regret, I did not regret the division in the Lebanese people and I didn't care if the politicians weren't as awesome as they pretended to be. I always knew the Lebanese politics and I knew that one revolution is not going to take us straight to heaven why would it?

Until the 12th of July I believed that things were movig forward, I believed that Hezbollah will sooner or later have to hand over their weapons, it was inevitable. I was aware of the dangers, I was aware Heabollah was desperate, I knew that Heabollah would an will do anything and everything to hurt everyone before they leave. I was fully aware of all this.

We were all fully aware of all this. But We...like we the Lebanese... Like we who don't exactly hate Israel... Like we who don't really hate anyone ... Like we who want to live... We believed that if do not start war we will not have to endure any more wars. We believed that our parents were wrong, that the civil war was our fault, because we failed to preserve peace.
Now We as Lebanese, we were wrong, and war came and it killed. you can blame Us for this war, you can blame Israel. You can even blame Hezbollah, but the truth is: I don't believe it anymore.

It might be because of my awefully bad mood today, but I simply don't believe that anyone wanted peace. I don't care for the International way of saying that "the lebanese had all the support, but they chose not to disarm Hezbollah" and I don't really care for all those who say "Dignity comes first". Honestly, I don't care.

I am planning to get selfish very soon, I have chosen that I won't care for the situation, I am simply giving up to the situation. People just don't listen. No one listens.

When we feared Hezbollah no one did, Israel has interests, I am aware of their concerns, I am also aware of the Shiia's fears of their problems I have seen them live, and I am aware of what they go through. But who's listenning, I was born in a radical Christian environment, I was tought to be loyal to those who have died, to my uncle who died for the fucking cause of Christianity in the Middle east. I have seen the VATICAN give us saints and all. I was tought to hate almost each and everyone that check my blog, to hate Syrians, to hate Muslims, and that difference between Sunna and Shiia, but eventually they are all Muslims, you know, the less Lebanese, less civilized, less enlightened, to hate Druze, to distrust Jews, I learned to look in a certain way, talk in a certain way, think in a certain way, damn it, I even learned to hate Protestants because they heretics! I have heard people tell me so many things, teach me so many ways to conform and belong.

But I chose not to, I chose to try and find an opinion, I have heard everyone that cared to tell me about him/herself, I learned not to judge people, I might not be very good at it, but I am really trying. And for all this I lost a lot, I lost the safety of trusting I know everything, because I realized that I knew nothing, I lost the confort of holding the truth because I realised that there is no truth.

Why doesn't people do the same? why do we all have to take these stupid camps that only tell us who to kill and always invent excuses to break the laws that they have put.

Well, enough already, you can find your own truth, or kill people according to your prejudice, I am so damn sick and tired of trying to explain to people what I believe is right, and no body listenning, from now on I don't care about this war, I never chose it, and even if I will pay for it a million time, I don't care, I never had a country anyway, I never belonged to my own "clan" and I believe that the pope's a smug and that Bashir Gemayel was a psycho. And don't get me talking about all the rest!

WE said our word, no one can say we didn't. Those that choose to say it never the less are free, just know that I don't care to listen to it.

And I feel so helpless that I am using the last grain of power that I have against my own blogging, does it show how low I have sunk?

I am depressed beyond description, I wonder what will understanding the middle east and the human motives help me when I fail my exams and be forced to admit that I can't make anything work or get anything done. I wonder what a stupid excuse will I find when people really realise that all my intelligence is just an illusion?

Nothing much has happened during the last week, things have become pretty stagnant.
We are all sick of this stupid war. I have started writing entries strictly about me, but somehow they seem to be out of context right now so I'll keep them for some other time, hope to write to you next time about how the war has ended!

Observations about the Television coverage:
Songs:the change
Attacking the UNESCO
Israelis are not monsters you know.
I have a dream
Mysterious Hospital abduction
Lahood, Our President: Only one half
Hugo Chavez: The greatest Arab Leader
What Victory
The country with the red underwear
The Southern Stockholm Syndrome
Qana, The aftermath

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Jokerman: I have read your comment, I will try to make a briefing about the different Parties in Lebanon, hopefully next week if I can finish it all by then.

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btw has anyone noticed that none of the links that I made last time worked? I am not sure why. I'll try to fix it, this has always worked in the past.

LBC gain of importance

In every war there are all sorts of Television loyalties. Political fanatics like Hezbollah always have privileged TV stations. In the war against the Taliban it was Al-Jazeera. And in this war Hezbollah has Al-Manar.

Usual these privileged Stations become references, since they are usually the only ones allowed to enter the guerrillas’ area. But that doesn’t seem to be the situation right now. I have noticed that both CNN and the Euronews for example, usually refer to the LBC (Lebanese Broadcasting Corporation) for videos and pictures. Which is interesting for two reasons mainly; first of all LBC is not a news Television like Al-Jazeera, Al-Arabia, AL-horra or CNN and Euronews. In addition LBC in theory is not Hezbollah’s best friend, they are in fact in certain ways its most fierce enemies, I don’t know if you remember it but awhile back a TV program on LBC made Hezbollah so angry that they walked in riots in Beirut.

This indicates the delicate situation that Hezbollah is in, they are desperate to have all the attention they can get, and they are desperate for Christian support (LBC is Pro-Christian) that they are willing to let almost anyone in their territory. They are no longer in a strong position.

I like this change.



CNN gap

If you watch the CNN from time to time, particularly the little News bar in the bottom, you would read the number of Lebanese victims you would always notice a 200-300 difference between their numbers and the numbers declared by the Lebanese Prime Minister and the other television sources.

This could be related to the Israeli confirmation that Hezbollah has already lost more than 300 units.

Interesting.

Last week I talked about this time the songs were rather different from the other conflicts before, that they had more quality.

During the last week, that suddenly changed. All the Magida Roomy songs have disappeared. In fact song are much less now. It’s mainly new songs, the silly kind of songs, but not as stupid as last generations of songs. Which indicates that people are rather disenchanted, people are no longer interested in results, dignity, hope or even change. They just want it to end. The songs that are still being posted are just the songs that were filmed in the last month; there fore their owners are still paying to have put them on Air.

I miss hearing Magida Roomy though.

After the Qana massacre, a riot took place in front of the UNESCO building in Beirut. I suppose you have all heard about it, it’s a very famous example of Lebanese stupidity!

Why would they attack the UNESCO?

Because they blame the UN for the hostility since it didn’t go and erase Israel from the map.

Why didn’t they attack the American embassy in Lebanon, since they consider America to be Israel’s powerful puppet?

Because they are cowards and they only know how to bite the hand that feeds them.

It comes down to the famous surreal misconception that Arabs suffer from. Bitterly funny! But Lebanese people are talking so much about the incapacity of the UN, how the famous Veto right cripples the UN. And I do agree that the Veto right is really unfair, but it has certain practical necessities, I am not convinced with these necessities, but nothing’s perfect right?

But even with the Veto right, the UN is not crippled. The UN is not a Big government that rules the world as most people around here think. The UN is just the table that unites the different countries and puts them in front of their responsibility to try and justify their actions. The UN is not crippled, if it was so crippled and useless then why do we still refer to it? If the UN is the hostage of the American imperial policy then why didn’t the UN give the American occupation of Iraq the international cover that it craved for? If the UN was so weak in front of the American will, then why are the Americans the ones to shout the most about the uselessness of the UN?

The problem with the way the UN is simply the fact that it plays the role of reference, it plays the role of a judge. And when two people are fighting and someone comes and tells each part where it is mistaking they get upset, they don’t want to hear it. They want the UN to stand by their side and tell them how right they are. No one wants to be told that he’s wrong.

Unfortunately for Arabs, they are wrong. They have sunk so deep into ignorance and blind hatred that they are unable to see their irrational behaviour. They don’t understand how the whole world sympathises with Israelis, because in our own minds Israelis deserve nothing but to be killed.

But you know what’s even worse? Arabs are ungrateful.

Blinded by their hatred to Israel they forget all that the UN is doing for them. How dare they attack the UNESCO? Who has always provided the so severely needed oasis for all the extremely poor population of the Lebanese suburbs? Who provided shelters to the Southern people when Israel was striking the South in 1996? Why on earth are the international forces of the Unifil so interested in staying in Lebanon to suffer from Israeli AND Hezbollah attacks?

Really you are being ungrateful.

But that’s not just that. They attacked the UNESCO because they couldn’t attack the well-protected embassy of the United States. That was so cowardly. They attacked the peaceful headquarter of the UNESCO where unarmed employees had to hide in the basement from those monsters, they broke everything they were able to put there hands on, simply because they could.

And they ask us why the whole world has lost its sympathy for our causes?

Aren’t the Israelis civilians too?

You know when we receive reports about a wave of rockets raining in the Israelis sky, and we hear about the victims there, we tend to interpret that as a victory. Oh yes another victory for the powerful Hezbollah. But you know, most of those are civilians! Why doesn’t anyone talk about this? Why is it that no Arabic Television sympathises with the Israeli civilians? Think about it for one second please.

When we talk about the Israeli destruction machine, we talk about civilians, we talk about Geneva agreements, about the Israelis deliberate disregard of these agreements. And we go everywhere around the world posting pictures of children and civilians dying from OUR side.

And then we kill their civilians and it’s a victory? PLEASE! That’s shameful, outrageous and unacceptable. Arabs, grow a brain, set ideals and respect them. Yes this is a war and you want to declare war on Israel but don’t demand others to provide what you refuse others. It is every army’s duty to put its civilians out of danger, and it is every army’s duty to avoid the enemy civilians. That’s what we Arabs are demanding, and when you demand something you are committed by your own words to keep your part of the deal.

Enough already, enough with this victimisation of Arabs, we are not always the victims, we are not always the weak part, we have responsibilities. And we ought to respect them.

The problem with us Arabs is that we always think of Israelis as villains and devils, we don’t respect their humanity, and we use them as the easiest pretext for all our pain. We want to blame them for everything. One of those days you’ll hear a constipated Arab blame Israel for his constipation, shouting that they have poisoned his food! We don’t want to see Israelis as humans, this is unacceptable, whether we want it or not they are humans and they have the right to live just as we do.

Once and for all Arabs should understand and accept that Israelis have the right to exist in this Middle East just as we do. Regardless of the circumstances of their arrival, they have established a strong country in here and they are trying to integrate the region. When the Palestinians failed to keep their homeland the way it was, it was their fault, they lost it and they should just accept it and restart living for once. They have deprived the Palestinian youth the right to dream of improving their lives, they deprived them the right to build their lives. The Palestinian leaders have no right to do that.

And whatever the Palestinians choose to do, or not to do, it is not MY duty in Lebanon to fight their war, let’s not forget that the Palestinians were no better than the Israelis they started a war that I will never forgive them for, just as I never forgave the Lebanese parties for participating in this war either.

And in spite of all that, Palestinians are humans and they deserve respect and their lives are not cheaper than anyone else. Same about Israelis, they are humans and their lives are just as precious as anyone else.

Enough lies. Enough brutality.


They are demonstrating for us!

At the start of this war so many had betting that, once Hezbollah would reach the Israeli heart, the Israelis would panic and turn against their government and simply refuse this war. Because they are too scared to fight, that they are no longer used to stress of war and all that. The Israelis proved us wrong, apparently they have the same fighting spirit as Hezbollah, and they are willing to tolerate losses now if that would lead to the disarmament of Hezbollah.

In the first weeks of the fight 90% of Israelis were supporting the Israeli offensive, which means that even Arab Israelis were probably supporting this offensive also. Now this percentage has dropped to almost 80%. Hurray, Lebanese are shouting: Victory. Oh let’s not forget that 80% is still a crushing majority. And let’s not forget that even in the first days of the struggle Hezbollah failed to gather that much support among the Lebanese people, that’s why no one tried to mention it.

And now, when Israelis protest in the streets of Israel are organised they are to defend the Lebanese right to live, no demonstration went down to the street saying that the Israelis are losing in this war, or indicating that the Israelis are no longer supporting their government. They are just sympathising with the Lebanese mothers and children, a sympathy that we refuse to reciprocate.

And still we interpret these demonstrations as a victory, what victory?

I said it before; we in Jounieh have hardly felt this war, if it wasn’t for the TV coverage and a few occasional strikes here and there. We haven’t really felt the danger. But still, we really feel concerned with this bloody war. I am actually stressing about this, I am not even sleeping well, my mom’s sleeping all day long, and when she is awake she’s extremely grumpy. We just can’t feel unconcerned with this.

Since the explosion if the violence, I have thought and rethought this so many times and it seems like a vicious cycle that never ends, there seems to be no way out. I have noticed a remarkable optimism that I have never suspected about myself but I guess that’s just a way to face this feeling of helplessness.

And for the last week, I have been sleeping every night wishing, dreaming that tomorrow it will suddenly end. I don’t know how but I just wish it would all STOP. It’s already too much. When this all started, I kind of hoped that this would only last a few days, after which Hezbollah would be forced to disarm itself and then would come the turn of the Palestinians and maybe then the centralized power would be strong enough to protect us. Yes it’s not that simple. But I feel as if all we have left are dreams and hopes.

Unfortunately, every morning I wake up (actually I wake up at noon but anyway) I monitor the TV all day long, and still no hopes of a cease-fire. At first I thought that the Israelis must not stop till Hezbollah agrees to hand over its weapons, but now I just want it al to stop. How is it possible to be so oblivious to all the suffering? How can anything positive come out of all this? I have a brother you know, and I can’t help but to think about the possibility of him being the next dismembered baby that Hezbollah will use to win points and the Israelis would use to pressure the Lebanese public opinion to turn against Hezbollah. And I don’t want to see that. All those children, they were all just children, maybe to some they were just future moojahideen, but no one has the right to deprive a child its childhood.

And I still watch TV and I am still angry, I am angry, because moderation seems to be the weakest pillar of the formula. Moderate are even speechless, we are increasingly finding nothing to say while seeing all this. We are running out of positive scenarios, we want peace but peace doesn’t seem to want us.

Every night, I go to sleep thinking to myself: Nah! That’s as bad as it gets, it’ll get better.

Every day I seem to be wrong, and something worse even happens, and more people die. And I find nothing to say. More people lose their homes; go live like animals in gardens and in public schools. And I find nothing to say.

Yes, I wish I was a fanatic, I wish I could just say that these are Shiia people, they had what they deserved, no one forced them to support Hezbollah, it’s all their and Hezbollah’s fault. Trust me, I have heard this speech very often around me. But it just doesn’t make sense, and this solves nothing. Against anyone’s will these are Humans and against anyone’s will no one has the right to kill them or to use them as human shields.

I know I am right, I know they are wrong, but still they decide of my life, and still no one listens to me, no one really cares, and those who care are not listened to.

But it will end, I know it will, I just want it to end NOW!

You have certainly heard about the major commandos operation that the Israelis have done on a hospital in the Bekaa. The Israelis actually entered the heart of the Bekaa, entered a hospital abducted 4 individuals and then left.

N.B.: While they were there they used the Hospital equipment to treat their injured soldiers. Must be the famous Jewish sense of humour. Really funny!

Now Israel certainly said that it has captured preponderant Hezbollah members, and Hezbollah has certainly denied… Well you know Hezbollah, first they deny any incursion, then they admit it but insist that they manage to stand against them and send them back home in coffins, then they admitted that they manage to abduct some civilians but Hezbollah quickly turned the tables and managed to inflict maximum damage to the invading forces and that they killed and injured many. This is so déjà vu!

Now the TV reporters have certainly ran to the region to inspect closer. Here are a few observations:

• One of the abducted people was named Hasan Nasrallah (but the father’s name was different) and all the others’ last name was also Nasrallah. Which indicates that the Israelis might have been aiming to abduct THE Nasrallah. But judging from my knowledge of the Lebanese society and political style, I think that the Israelis wanted to abduct these people because they are relatives of Mr. Nasrallah, I don’t think that Nasrallah’s still in Lebanon and I don’t think the Israelis would look for him in Lebanon. But it is very plausible that these people might be from Nasrallah’s family since the Lebanese political cast relies a lot on family bonds and one would always trust his family more than anyone else. If that would be true than the Israelis might find it useful to abduct them and interrogate them about his whereabouts. I mean, if they believed he was there wouldn’t they just eradicate the whole hospital and make sure he perishes in there, instead of taking there chances with a commandos that would jeopardise the lives of many elite units?



• They interviewed the wife of one of the abducted people. She confirmed the fact that the four men were relatives, cousins and stuff, and she talked about how civilian they are, she said that they all worked in the building industry, that they were poor peaceful people. And even though working in the building industry can earn you a decent living in normal times, it does not in Lebanon, because of the deteriorated economic situation since the civil war and most importantly because of the amount of Syrian illegal workers in Lebanon who pose fierce competition. These jobs in Lebanon are hardly enough to put bread on the tables. However we saw the house in the background on TV, and it wasn’t much, but what we saw was rather unusual for the average, poor individual in the Bekaa. And as we all know ALL Hezbollah activists have a civilian cover, none of them is officially a Hezbollah soldier.



• TV reporters were not allowed to shoot anywhere near the Hospital in question. They say that the abducted men were poor civilians that were injured during the Israeli attacks. But at the start of this war, there were a lot of coverage of the Hospitals under pressure, they talked about the how hospitals are running out medication, how they are receiving way too much people etc. And they talked or mentioned almost every hospital concerned, especially those in the front lines, such as in Tyre, Beirut and Zahle (Bekaa). There was no mention what so ever of this particular hospital. I don’t know about you people, but I think such a small hospital would be the first to suffer from increased number of injured, don’t you think? Unless it is not for civilian use and there fore it is well equipped with supplies and must always keep a low profile.
  
  I don’t know

We have a serious problem political performance in Lebanon, not only our political figures are closer to monarchs than they are to respectful politicians, not only some of our politicians seem to have serious nervous problems reaching the level of bipolar disorders and occasional hysteria.

As if all that wasn’t enough, many politicians in Lebanon have a lisping problem, Nasrallah can’t pronounce well the “R”, Nayla Mouawad’s cute little son and future family politician: same and the ever famous President Lahood lisps too… Awww!

But you know Nasrallah has his weapons to conceal his lisping problems, and baby Mouawad doesn’t talk much anyway… But Lahood?! He’s like a radio. I think it has something to do with the events of last year, where no one was ever meeting with him, except for some scout boys and so. So he’s compensating. He’s talking and talking all the time, and never saying anything I am afraid. Some of his interlocutors were ok, he has talked to AL-Jazeera and the Rai network… But most of he time he talks to TV stations that are practically unknown. Just as long as he keeps on talking. Samir Geagea was asked, when interview by Al-Jazeera, about the president’s declarations. He smiled and then said: Well we all know what does the president represent, nothing. No Lebanese considers that Lahood represents him, and he is just staying because he is taking advantage of the situation of indecision concerning his post. He can say whatever he wants wherever he wants it would mean nothing.

So next time you hear him talking try not to let his words bother you much, and enjoy his very obvious lisp… It’s really funny; we spend hours laughing about it after each declaration.

N.B.: In Lebanon taxis and cabs have red license plates.

Here’s a silly joke:

Why does a prostitute wear red undies?

Because she’s public property

Laugh here

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It seems to me sometimes that my country actually has red underwear or something. Because it seems that everyone seems to have rights and privileges around here, except for the Lebanese people, we are just the obedient mules.

I remember when we walked to the Martyr square last year we actually wanted to change that, and destiny seemed to be smiling at us! And in fact a lot has been achieved so far. And then this stupid war breaks out and we go back to our good old habits!

Watch the Lebanese panorama:

• Watch the Americans and French struggling to reach an agreement, France seemed to be representing Lebanon, and America Israel… Only the representation wasn’t viable in Lebanon but who cares anyway, who asked about what Lebanon wants anyway?



• Mr. Maallem has visited us: Oh!! His majesty is here… Quick where are the red carpets. Let the church bells ring. Oh I am so moved of this historical visit, I am crying…
  
  Naah. This is the cute dude that we have just finished firing last year. This is the famous Syrian regime that we accuse of so many less than pure actions. And guess what! He is here to refuse the American-French preposition, and help develop a united Arab opinion about this and kick the Israelis out of their dear, beloved Golan Lebanon.
  
  I am usually a very pacifist individual but I find it hard to refrain my subconscious wishes to see him suffocate on one of those barazi’.



• And guess who’s the other dude that has come to Lebanon to refuse the American-French preposition?
  
  I’ll give you a couple of hints; he’s not right now in Beirut, because he’s not an Arab AND he didn’t even accept the 7points preposition that even Hezbollah didn’t dare to refuse.
  
  Yes you’ve guessed it right. It’s the Iranian representative. Yes, Iran also considers that it has rights in Lebanon and it even dares to refuse what WE have agreed on. Now I think he went way too far! And that’s what Mr. Sanioora thinks also, he clearly stated that the Iranian part has went too far. But as you know, even Hezbollah didn’t consult this government before kidnapping these soldiers, why should the Iranian Emperors consults us Lebanese mules?



• Oh… And that’s not weirdest part of it all! You should see how the Arab people feels so concerned in this war! I mean last time I checked it was just the Lebanese people that are being killed, and even though many have showed very admirable support, some are really being annoying. As a Lebanese I don’t understand how can these Arab people demonstrate in support of Hezbollah, some of them don’t even talk about supporting Lebanon! Sometimes I wonder if they don’t even love Hezbollah more than the Lebanese love it, and even worse, they apparently love Hezbollah more than they love Lebanon.
  
  I am sorry people, but we don’t need this. Take Egypt for example, I was, and still am, surprised to see the fervor of their support to Hezbollah when they have signed a peace treaty with Israel. Seriously people, if you have a problem with Israelis solve it yourself. And let’s not start talking about the Syrian demonstration! And you know what’s funny? In the Syrian demonstrations, all the flags are of one size and they seem to be freshly unfolded, it reminds me of the demonstrations in support of their president after their withdrawal from Lebanon… I like well-organized demonstrations, but this is too much! And must I talk about the Iranian demonstrations? I think they were two steps away from shouting: Nasrallah for presidency! I didn’t even see any support for Lebanon.

Seriously people, if YOU have a problem with Israel go solve it yourself. If you want to support us, then try thinking about what WE say, think and do. WE have declared our position and we have a government. Hezbollah is not Lebanon and Nasrallah does not represent us. He doesn’t even have our support. I know that no one will take our independence seriously until we choose to become independent. But what choices do I have?

I just couldn’t stop laughing when I heard Arab analysers calling Chavez a great Arab leader! I knew the Arabs were desperate, I didn’t know we were THIS desperate!

And on Saturday, when David Welsh was visiting Lebanon and meeting with Sanioora, a bunch (I don’t think there were even a hundred person) of protestors, and some even thought it would be smart to write solidarity slogans to Chavez, they even took the effort to write a few words in Spanish. I wonder if they even bothered to ask themselves who the hell Chavez is anyway.

In fact, in my surrounding people didn’t really care who Chavez was or what he was saying. They all shared my amusement when I started telling them who Chavez was, his notorious style of speech, and his love for drug culture… No really we had a lot of fun. Muchos gracias Chavez, you make war much more fun to live.

But in general, this gets us back to the information problem in the Arab world. The Lebanon has no vital interests in Latin America, except in Brazil where the Lebanese population’s huge, but even there the connections are only emotional not really strategic. So it is understandable that the Lebanese people wouldn’t know much about Chavez. But why didn’t the media fulfil its role of revealing these interesting facts about those that some are praising as the great Arab leader. I remember when the American representative in the UN was receiving some medal in the UN, and there were OUTRAGE that the Lebanese delegation didn’t refuse to participate! And why? Because Mr. Bolton was a Jew, so according to them he’s a dirty Israeli Zionist criminal that supports the Jewish plan to invade the Arab world and kill the Arabs, destroy the 3ourouba, the Arab culture… Am I the only one who sees the Arab media as a little unfair?

Oh Oh… wait that’s not all… what’s the most popular argument to explain the Israeli support for the Government’s invasion? The Israeli army is imposing censorship on Israeli media. No don’t laugh, they are so serious about it, they mean it. They shout about it on TV, they tell you how the Israeli army has pressured Al-Jazeera reporters in Israel. Here’s a hint people:

I would bet that Al-Jazeera has more freedom of speech in Israel than it does in any other Arab country. It is just that Israelis are probably not very pleased in receiving reporters that are here to say: “The Israeli devil’s demoralised, there long lasting attempts in destroying all the surrounding Arab governments…”

In addition, how come no Arab TV station states the amount of restrictions they were submitted to from their beloved Hezbollah? I recall that famous Kalem Ennes episode last week about the role played by fire fighters, Red Cross and Media. At one stage they had on the table cameramen from the main TV stations active in the South: LBC (Lebanon), Al-Jazeera (Qatar), Future TV (Lebanon), New TV (Lebanon) and I am no longer certain about the other two. At one stage the conversation mentioned the restrictions imposed by the security forces, or armed forces in general, the question was about the reporter’s reaction when s/he is forbidden the access to scene, and of course there were immediate mention of the security concerns regarding the reporters’ lives, but the reporters also mentioned an incident in the South where Hezbollah forbid the reporters from entering Mr. Ghanem asked them immediately: Why were you banned from entering?

Most of them tried to justify it with security concerns, the LBC cameramen made a clear objection:

-No it had nothing to do with our own security. It was about something else.

What thing?

-I don’t know it was not about our security, it was about there own security, I don’t know what it was.

Such a remark is a very clear indication that Hezbollah was not as democratic as he was claiming, and the real hiding of truths took place on the Hezbollah part, and not the Israeli one. Anyway, when the LBC cameraman said this there were those brief moments of silence, almost like a schism among the group, all had agreed on the unity that results from living the war experience, and the other cameramen had wished maybe this subject wouldn’t be mentioned, that the censorship practiced by Hezbollah wouldn’t be portrayed as a censorship, they wanted to keep on pretending that Hezbollah was just doing what it took to achieve this huge Arab victory. But hey! Lies can’t last forever.

Everyone’s shouting about the Victory of Hezbollah. How this cute small, defenceless group of good warriors have resisted the powerful technology of the West. How the Israeli army is feeling confused, puzzled, helpless in front of the unexpected resistance of the Mookawame.

I ask you all: What have Hezbollah really achieved? Name me one achievement.

Let’s make a quick round up:

• You say:
  The Israelis have failed to paralyse Hezbollah as they had promised they would.
  
  Think again:
  Apparently Hezbollah has been arming itself over the last 6 years, they obviously have been receiving lots of money that they have spent completely on weapons. Just today Mr. Jannatee was calling, in a Pro-Hezbollah demonstration in Iran, he was calling for his government to help Hezbollah, as it was always the case, in its struggle against Israel.
  Just a stupid question: What did Hezbollah do in order to protect the civilians, since money was available and war was so inevitable?
  A very stupid answer: Nothing. Civilian vulnerability’s their strongest weapon after all.



• You say:
  Israelis are not used to war they have lost their resistance to the stress of war. That they will turn against their government when attacks will reach their cities.
  
  Think again:
  It’s been almost 5 weeks, and Israelis are more and more convinced, Hezbollah must be destroyed.



• You say:
  Hezbollah has united all Muslims. Just today this guy on LBC was talking about the interesting significance of unity across the Arab World, how Nasrallah’s pictures were carried in Azhar Egypt. How the Shiia and the Sunna are finally united thanks to Mr. Nasrallah.
  
  Think again:
  Last time I checked, it was Lebanon under fire, it was to be decided inside Lebanon whether to enter war or not. In Lebanon we are united in refusing Hezbollah’s actions. Time will tell you this about the Lebanese people: We have sadly learned not to turn against each other, if you want what’s best for your home and your country. Today we stand with Hezbollah (more or less) because we are under attack, tomorrow fire will cease and as many have said “each will be held responsible for his actions”. Nasrallah has driven Lebanon to a war that we did not want and that he had promise not to drive us into, Beirut won’t forget that.



• You say:
  Nasrallah has been very loyal to his word and that he is now taken very seriously.
  
  Think again:
  Nasrallah said he will do nothing on the Israeli front right now, in order to protect the prosper Summer that awaited us, and because the defence strategy was being discussed in the National dialogue, and it was not agreed on…He sure kept his word.



• You say:
  Hezbollah’s fighting for Lebanon, and Hezbollah’s victory is Lebanon’s victory.
  
  Think again:
  Wouldn’t that mean that Lebanon’s losses are his losses? Aren’t those Qana children the children that Hezbollah has failed to protect? Aren’t the economic losses Hezbollah’s losses? Weigh the losses on each side, if Hezbollah’s as integrated to Lebanon as it claims to be:
  
  [Lebanon+Hezbollah] losses >>>> [Israel] losses



• You say:
  Hezbollah’s human casualties are minimal if compared to the Israeli ones
  
  Think again:
  1- That’s total lies, Hezbollah has suffered severe losses that he refuses to admit. And even Saddam Hussein kept on insisting that he was winning the war even when the American forces were at the gates of Baghdad.
  2- All Hezbollah militants are civilians, Hezbollah has no official records of his units as any respectful or serious army would. Hezbollah’s just a bunch of civilians that are trained and armed like soldiers. Power in the hand of fools!

If you see the Southern people you’d be shocked, the Shiia seem to be totally supporting Hezbollah, in spite of all the destruction and the misery that they are living. They don’t blame Hezbollah for anything, it’s all Israel’s fault, and it’s the government’s fault. You can really be shocked if you watched the Lebanese TV. In the Southern suburbs of Lebanon (Hezbollah’s lair) most people have deserted the area, those that have chosen to stay are still talking about how Nasrallah will teach those Israelis a lesson. Very often the reporters ask them whether they are scared or anything, some would say yes but that they are willing to die Fida Ssayyed (how should I translate it? it means that they are willing to die for the Sayyed, Sayyed Nasrallah that is of course). Others say No, like that time on LBC, when a reporter had addressed a woman (a typically Hezbollah kind of women, the veil, the look, the severe face, very much like the women you are most likely to see in those pictures from Iran) the woman affirmed that she is not scared at all, as long as the Sayyed heads them then she will remain at her home, that she will resist. And as a final touch of extremism, she pointed out her child in front of her and says: Zgheerna abl kbirna fidaa Ssayyed
In other terms: Our children before us will die for Nasrallah.

Really disgusting. I can’t believe it. How can people think like this? I have a six years old brother and if anything happens to him I would die! I wouldn’t sacrifice him for anything or anyone, I can very easily sacrifice myself, but to sacrifice my own brother is unacceptable, not even with words.

You may think that these people don’t love their children, or maybe that they are less human, but it’s not true. In here we have heard these words so many times that we kind of got used to them. But we still find them revolting. Only to understand these words look closer to the situation, and take a step back in history to the past.


Stepping back to the past

A few millenniums ago, in the Greek males had the right to kill anyone in their family (in theory), the Roman mothers used to have the right to choose which child to keep and which to simply throw away, if the mother used to decide that she didn’t want the child she would simply go to the woods and leave the child in the wilderness, under a tree, the child would either die of dehydration or when a wild beast would come and eat it. The same practice was probably common in Ancient Greece, remember Oedipus, he was left to die on a rock in the desert when the oracle predicted that he would kill his father and marry his mother.

Cruel, right?

No, not exactly. You see, it is commonly known while studying human and animal behaviour, that love is in fact an instinct. It is not as sublime as we portray it to be, it is the modern society that sublimated these feelings. There is a certain dynamic equilibrium between love and durability of the relationship. We all had those break ups that weren’t really break ups, in which love is really carrying, and then for some reason a certain distance separates the two and then love dies. No matter how hard we try to prevent it, love dies and instead a certain hate takes place.

Mother’s love is a little the same, when a mother knows that she only has 50% possibility of keeping her child, she becomes detached. Yes a mother’s love is unconditional but, whether we like it or not, love is not so sublime; we modulate it to our own well-being.

In the demographically exploding Rome women were probably breeding more thus losing more children. Women often chose the kids they wanted, they didn’t want any limping or lisping kids, and stuff like that.


Now look closer to the Southern society

It is known as a fact that the Shiite community in Lebanon is growing fast, very fast! Most of the families have more than 5 children some may reach a dozen. Take the last Qana massacre instance, out of the 57 victims in the house there were around 38 children, that’s more than the 50% standard that less than modern societies. Even if you consider that the fathers were absent (which isn’t really true, Hezbollah activists always go sleep at home once they finish throwing rockets at Israel) this percentage is high.

So women are usually under pressure to give life to many kids. Now medicine has reduced the death of children, but there are different dangers on these children’s lives. In there minds Southern people believe that Israel wants to occupy Lebanon, in fact you’d be shocked of how many Lebanese have the same belief. They all believe Israelis to be monsters coming from the occupied land of Palestine. They constantly see on TV how Israel Targets children and how Palestinian kids are regularly killed by Israeli forces. These mothers believe that the first Lebanese land that will be occupied by Israel is the South, and that the Israelis will probably kill children only to frighten the other Lebanese regions into surrendering. They simply believe Israel is after their children’s life. Israel the devil wants the lives of their offspring, and since it is a devil, the only way to stop it is to kill it. Israel has to disappear from the map if the Middle East if they want peace.

And you know what? When war explodes, children are in fact the first ones to die. Aren’t they the softest part of society? And then Hezbollah jumps and says:

“See? See? We told you they want to kill our children!”

And who’s going to protect them? Certainly not the Government who hasn’t deployed any troops in the South since 1982, and even then they were unable to protect anything. For the Southern population of Lebanon, there is only Hezbollah, Hezbollah provides food, Hezbollah builds homes, Hezbollah pays the money and along the way Hezbollah provides dignity. Because Hezbollah was the one that defeated Israel in 2000.

But the Southern people is unaware of the fact that ALL what Hezbollah has done for them was in fact the work of the government. In fact Hezbollah has not spent a penny of their money on the South. In Lebanon we have something called: Majlis Ljnoob. It’s in fact another masterpiece of the Islamic resistance at the expense of the Lebanese government and people. Majlis Ljnoob is an organisation that receives money and aids from the Lebanese government and invests it in rebuilding the South after the horrific Israeli occupation that lasted for 20 years. Hezbollah and Amal are in charge of the Majlis Ljnoob.

As you can guess, this was simply a way to prevent the government from fulfilling a legitimate duty thus preventing it from integrating the Southern people into the Lebanese mosaic. This all aims to deepen the gap between the Lebanese and the Southern and Shiia population, creating the last country inside The country, Lebanon.

They tell them that they can only trust Nasrallah, that’s why they are willing to sacrifice their selves only to Hezbollah. And when they hear the Israeli plains in the air they jump and say :

“We’d sacrifice our children until we destroy Israel.”

It can be compared to someone that is killing his own children so that his enemy wouldn’t find any children to kill. A final touch of false dignity.

I have thought this over and after more than a week since the Qana incident I suppose I am less angry right now. I have seen the tapes and I am convinced now that Hezbollah was probably launching rockets near that place and maybe the house was the refuge of a Hezbollah activist. But I still don’t consider the Israeli action justifiable. Knowing the Israeli powerful High Technology, I refuse to believe this to be a mistake, or maybe that the Israelis didn’t know there would be no civilians there. That’s absurd! I am convinced that they knew there were civilians there but they wanted to eradicate the activists, so they took this military risk, they thought they’d just remind the world that Hezbollah’s being unethical and using civilians as human shields, and then apologise for this mistake and it’ll pass. And to be totally honest it did pass, they lost some of their international support, but still nothing dangerous, they are still able to continue their assault on Lebanon.


I would like to clarify my position about this. I am not saying that the Israelis were as criminal or monstrous as the Arab media likes to portray them… It is just war…

In war, there is no clean war, there is no honour in war, there is just pain and death, lots of it, more than the modern mind is willing to accept. Generals and War Lords know this. Believe me people; they all knew this would happen it is inevitable. This is why no war is admissible, this is why war is never a solution, it might be the prelude of peace, and it might result in a solution to a certain conflict. But eventually war is just the easy way to do so. In war you have to win, you have to inflict so much pain to your enemy that he would beg you to stop, or better, die. In order to do so you have to kill civilians, because warriors are well prepared to die (Hezbollah sure is!) civilians are relying on military units to protect them and that’s what keeps the warrior going forward, he believes that many are relying on him for protection, he can’t fail them, he has to kill the enemy before the enemy kills his family. And if the enemy manages to kill many civilians then their protectors consider themselves to have failed there mission, they often lose the will to fight.

Needless to specify that all wars that were won included massive civilian losses. When one party wins the war it rewrites history and talks about the angelic war that he had led, on one condition: the losing party must have no representatives capable of contradicting the master piece (either kill them all or prevent them from talking).

I am not, in any cases, trying to deny the necessity of techniques, or implying that it’s enough to massacre civilians in order to win a war. You have to paralyse the economic, a siege is usually a good idea, and the culminating point is when you enter the capitol as a conqueror. But if you don’t kill the will to fight, then resistance will strike you again and never stop till you retreat humiliatingly.

In this war, as in any other one, civilians are paying high prices. People are dying and many of them are children (that’s demographically inevitable because of the very high percentage of kids in the Shiite South, every house contains more than 70% kids). And Israel is constantly facing this dilemma; rockets are being launched from the roofs of civilian buildings. Everybody’s fully aware of this (well the media and Hezbollah’s still insisting on denying, but who are they kidding?)

In many cases the Israelis are choosing to shoot the civilians. On one hand, they kill the Hezbollah members, on the other hand they send a message to Hezbollah saying that they will kill the Moojahideen even if that meant to kill them with all there kids. In war times this is allowed, but then again I never believed in war. The fact that they are going through this war is actually there fault just as much as it is Hezbollah’s fault. They are responsible for this and there is no justification for there action.

I am a Lebanese human being, I am not going to sit down and justify the massacre of babies, just because the fighting parties saw that these lives were not precious enough to defend. I believe that those kids were important enough and the word I’m sorry is simply not enough.