Day 2 of blog life

Posted by Pazuzu | | Posted on 2:33 PM

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Well it seems that I am attempting to make this blog work, since I came back the second day. Well today I was mainly thinking, same as most days, of myself… It’s weird how meaningless my existence seems! I have no real dream in my life, I have a clear plan about my future but I don’t even try to work for it, I am a very average person but I stay away from people. I am frightened at the perspective of living my whole life in my country near the people that I was raised with. I love my country but not that much. All I want in life is happiness lol. As if that had any meaning at all! We all need to say that, to say that we know what we want and to give it that name: “happiness”… Shit what is happiness?! I know that satisfying my natural needs is essential to be happy, but that is NOT enough! We are social animals, we need that social happiness, but the trick is that there is no way to reach that happiness. Society imposes that weird series of rules that we are to follow if we ever intend to be part of this society. But then as we grow older we learn new rules. With time, rules turn into a complex network similar to the graphic of a Brownian movement. Then we are introduced to the concept of compromise and finding limits between extremes. Which is nothing but a great lesson of submission since we are taught to admire extreme people, to call them wild, charismatic etc… but at the same time we are never to be like them, in fact those people were total failure in family life and preserving a good relationship with there close environment (the effective tool for social framing). So in fact the “cool people” are the people that are insensitive for that social drug (aka acceptance) there fore they are doomed to make the biggest struggles to reach our state of content… Ironic isn’t it… We admire them but in fact they make all this effort to reach our level of satisfaction…


Pazuzu who feels stupid.

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Good bye Gebran

Posted by Pazuzu | | Posted on 9:08 AM

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Once again I find myself attempting to start a Blog! *crossing her fingers*
But the main issue this time is the ever lasting grief that I feel inside.
It has been more then two weeks now and all I still feel sad for the death of Gebran Tueni. But I will not talk about his life. Almost all of arabia, and certainly all of lebanon, has already raced me for that.
Some people might have disliked him, but I worshiped him! Too bad I needed to witness his death to realise just how much I admired this man. He was unpaired, I was raised in a maronite family sinking in the love of the church and the lebanese Kata'eb... Unfortunatly I failed to keep that legacy. But after all one can't follow a belief if she/he feels that it makes no sense. However Gebran made perfect sense. At the times when the syrians were titans around here he stood up and denounced them. He was bolder then Bashir El Jemayel, wiser then President Sarkis, and more reliable then Jumblat. It's hard to believe he is dead, but he is, and his dream is dead.
We like to believe that we carry and preserve the people that we love in our hearts and through our love. But it's just and appeasing lie. Those who die just turn to ash and nothing we can do or say will ever change that.
Pazuzu

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